Half a Sheet Proves Nothing

So who decided that half a sheet of paper towel is all that is needed now?  I miss the bigger piece.  And don't tell me that I should just get two of the half sheets now to make one.  I want the square piece.  If I wanted to tear that in half, I could, but I liked being able to do more things with my paper towel.  

In fact, it felt more like an actual towel.  What do they call them now?  Paper strips?  Long napkins?  Bookmarks?

When they said: "Bounty, the quicker-picker-upper!  Half a sheet'll prove it!" they did not mean for the makers to take that literally.  Now, a half a sheet is a full sheet.  What are we going to do with this new half sheet full sheet dumb sheet?

Our obsessive nature is going to cause us to pull five times as much off the roll because now we are being short-changed too much.  Our brains cannot fathom this new non-towel, toilet paper sized strip of napkin.  If we wanted to use napkins to clean up our mess, we would use them.  We want something industrial-sized.

I also liked the idea of the original paper towel square being too big.  I felt confident that it would be enough.  And, I was well aware that I was wasting paper and trees.  But so what!  Come on!  The whole idea of having paper towels is a total waste.  If I wanted to conserve paper, I would use a regular cloth towel.  No!  I am conscientiously wasting trees.  I recognize that.  I am guilty of that.  

Don't try and soften the blow by giving me these thin strips of bacon sized paper towels!  I want the full sized two-ply sheets with the silly embroidery on them.  I want to know that if we are short on blankets in our house, that we can resort to our paper towels to keep us warm.

Moochiemeter

After sitting on my desk for months, the Moochiemeter finally has a box.  And a name.  It wasn't always the Moochiemeter.  In fact, up until 30 minutes ago, it was just a cheap multimeter.  But now, it is somebody.  Or someone. Or some thing.

Many years ago, when I was in high school, I took a math class which required an advanced calculator.  I think it came with some sort of cheap vinyl cover which would never protect it.  So, much like with the Moochiemeter, I created a small cardboard box which housed the calculator and gave it a name.  

Skankulator.

I used Skankulator for a couple years until it was time to pass her on to my younger sister, who continued with the name and even told me how Skankulator was getting along.  I think Skankulator finally died.  A sad day I think.  I sort of lost track of Skankulator.  Other calculators had come into my life.  One even had a plastic case so I had no need to name it.

So now that Moochiemeter has a box, I should probably learn how to use him.  I did test some batteries with Moochiemeter.  They were brand new so they were good.

I am thinking of doing a little cheat sheet on the inside of the box.  Moochiemeter has a black and red wire, but the spots where they plug in do not have any indication on them of which one goes where.  Both of them have green lettering on them.  I think this is a sort of deterrent for idiots.  Since a multimeter deals with electricity, the more they can keep certain people away from it the better.  

Also, I know that putting the dial on certain settings while completing the circuit could possibly blow Moochiemeter right out of my hands.

It is kind of a big box and if I write small, I could probably get a lot on there...

A State of Unrest Room

It is kind of strange to be in the restroom at work and have people come in talking very loudly.  I am there to take care of something which is hopefully quiet and personal.  But suddenly a voice comes blaring out.   In a rare instance, they are talking to someone in the urinal next to them and if it ever happens to be me, I can see myself quoting Westley in The Princess Bride as he is scrambling up the cliff:

"I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks"

But more often than not, the loud voice is because the person is on their cell phone.  Now, those microphones are really good on cell phones, so the person on the other end has to know that the guy is in the crapper.  It is an echoey sound.  One can hear toilets flush.  Grunting.  The other sounds.  There is no amount of comfortableness as this happens.

I really cannot believe that people do this.  A Saturday Night Live skit at best.  

And, I would like to think that if I was on the other line with the guy, I would just hang up.

+ "... my family was with me on the strip in Las Vegas!  And you know what that's like..."
- "Yes.  It's not a place for your family for sure.  I can't imagine..."
+ "And I was was was being handed handed handed..."
- "Hey, it sounds like you are kind of busy.  Why don't you call me back?"
+ "Oh no Oh no Oh no!  I'm fine fine fine! Let me continue this story story story."
-"It looks like I have another call coming through.  I gotta take it."
+ "I didn't hear anything thing thing."
- "Okay, fine!  You left me no choice!  You're taking a dump!  I can hear the others in there!  Just call me back!  Have some courtesy!  Wait a minute!  What am I saying?!  Don't call me ever again!  I don't care what you're selling! We don't do business with people who don't know when to hang up their phones..."

The Most Wonderful DAY of the Year

A friend of mine said that he hated Valentine's Day today.  He is married.  Happily I think.  Somehow, he just doesn't get it.  

This is the greatest day of the year.  The day to express one's undying love for one's significant other.  And how is that undying love expressed?  Candy, chocolate, cards, hearts, pink, more candy, flowers, roses, pink roses, red roses, love, and ...

Olympics?  Why not?

Happy Valentine's Day to my lovely wife!  

And Go USA!

Don't They Know? How Could They Not know?

The other night we went grocery shopping with the kids.  As they ran around hiding behind the fruits and vegetables, my wife's heart rate visibly went up and embarrassment was palpable.  As they got in other people's way, they continued to not have any consideration for anyone else.  How dare they!  Don't they know?!

And not too long ago we were in line at a restaurant where the kids climbed on the railing and swung into other people.  They bumped into other people and did not say they were sorry.  They wanted to be held even though they are too big.  They cannot contain their excitement in being someplace where they can bother the most people possible.

We come home and they drop their coats right in the kitchen of all places or in their doorway.  Our daughter has to bring everything from the play room into the rest of the house.  Our son has to leave LEGOs in multiple locations as if he is setting up separate bases around the galaxy for his spaceships to fly to.

At the grocery store, I took the kids' hands and we calmly walked to the end of the aisle and turned.  When we were out of sight of Mommy, we cut loose and ran, screaming and going wild.  Well, I did that for one second and then caught myself because I'm a grown up now.  Instead we went and found the fun Valentine's aisle and my daughter got the toy fan caught in her hair.

At the restaurant the people who were bumped into were kind and said they didn't care.  We got through, found a table, and my wife and them blew their straw wrappers at each other.  Before long, they were all getting ice cream and toy volleyballs.

The coats, toys and LEGOs scattered on the floor are perplexing.  But I guess so was the fact that my kids couldn't dress or undress themselves last year.  I will understand this riddle one day.

 

We Better Get Going If We're Going To Stay Ahead of the Weather

Even though I have seen it hundreds of times, I still feel bad that somehow I didn't watch Groundhog Day on February 2nd again this year.  How did it get past me?  

"Sweet vermouth on the rocks with a twist."

The aim for me is that watching Groundhog Day on Groundhog Day should eventually be like Phil Connors living Groundhog Day over and over.  I am just not sure it has reached that point yet.  There is still meaning when I see it.

"Did you know he could ice sculpt?"

My friend recently gave a talk on Groundhog Day and discussed some concepts about it.  The idea of the movie is great and its director, Harold Ramis, was shooting for a Buddhist concept.  Living the same day over and over again is much like what we live.  I go to work each day, run into the same people, stare at the same computer.  What really changes each day?  Did I make an effort to be in the right places at the right times to serve others?  Probably not.  Or not as much as I should.  But then, I was supposed to be working.

"On me, Larry, in three..."

What about learning how to play the piano?  Just taking the time to learn something new.  I have an hour a day to get something out of life.  Or even 15 minutes.

I have heard that people have a better chance against Alzheimer's if they learn another language or keep their mind more active.  Maybe that is just a bunch of hype, but do I want to be the guy who watches Jeopardy each night and knows all the answers before the questions are even asked?  Or do I want to be writing silly observances on life on my computer?  Or do I want to know everyone in town and what their story is?

"I Only Drink To World Peace"

I may hit the point of being sick of Groundhog Day.  I never thought I would be sick of the Burbs,  but this past Halloween I was done.  I couldn't do it anymore.  Kind of sad.

"Hey Phil!?  Phil Connors?  I thought that was you..."

Ned Ryerson still speaks to me.

The Sleep Dilemma

Often, I hear that sleep is an important thing for people to get.  I have also heard that one should go to bed early and get plenty of sleep, like 8 hours.  Researchers are able to link cancer, heart disease and other ailments to lack of sleep.

These are factors which have never really been that important for me to pay attention to... 

With it being January I suppose many people are trying new things, attempting to change their lives for the better.  The gym is packed with people.  Reading has become important again.  Cable is being cancelled.  Less time on facebook.

And there are the people who reject all things New Year and continue with the same bad habits.  However, they need to make sure that everyone is aware that they don't hold to resolutions because...  Hmmm.  What do they say here?  All I can think is: lazy and uninspired?  They don't need to change because they are perfect already?  No one ever keeps their resolutions?

"Resolutions are stupid!"  Why would anyone say that?  It's a great time of year.

I remember lamenting to my Dad a couple years back that our friend just wasn't really interested in joining us at the gym and my Dad said in his defense that of course he wanted to be there.  Everyone wants to change and get huge.  Not an exact quote.

Getting up in the morning is tough.  Especially when I have stayed up too late, like 4 hours before it is time to go to the gym.  Now, the human body is amazing, because it can still function and do everything without sleep.  But, there is a consequence.  Not getting huge.

Actually, the consequence for me on lack of sleep has been these headaches I get a little after noon.  For years, I thought that I was not getting enough water.  So, I started downing the water in buckets.  I would drink 20 oz before the workout.  Then, another liter during the workout.  And then I would have 2 liters during the day at work.  After a few months of this and still getting headaches, I consulted the Duh factor.

Sleep!

This week I did a little experiment.  I went to bed early every night.  I got 5 grueling workouts in and no headaches.  I was awake all day without incident.  The only time I had trouble was during a training session that a teammate was giving us on git.  (And if you google that, you will understand why.)

But, here's the problem with getting too much sleep.  No creativity.  Or no illusion of creativity.  What is it about the night that is so enticing?  Why is it so daring to be up all night?  Why do I have this urge to watch Star Trek The Next Generation and Continuum until 1:30 in the morning?  What is it about the stigma of going to bed at a decent hour?

Normally, I would still be asleep right now on a Saturday.  Instead I am writing on a boring topic like sleep.  Because I went to bed early and got up early.  Normally, I have to play catch-up, because I am exhausted from staying up all night.  But now I am normal.  I don't have this edge to me.  I am just like everyone else who goes to sleep when they should.

What's going to happen to me if I continue down this road?  Will I be able to concentrate longer?  Will I start wearing polo shirts more?  Will I sit in traffic?  Will I eat more fiber and speak intelligibly?  Will I be awake at family gatherings?

And the biggest question: Will I get huge?