Ready. Aim. Fire!

I went to the doctor today and while there, I was given the responsibility of peeing in the cup. She said to just leave it on the back of the toilet after I am done.

For some guys, I am sure this is pretty easy. But I have a tremor...

Now, the ideal is to have just enough pee so that I don't have to shift the cup and risk getting pee all over my hand. But, that is pretty tough. I think the bladder has some sort of gauge inside which will not allow a build up less than the cup size. And that is just one thing to worry about...

I don't like that they say to leave it on the back of the toilet. What if some other guy has to do the test at the same time? I would rather that they make me walk out there with cup in hand full of apple juice and give it directly to the nurse. That is not awkward at all. I think she should have to get the black marker out and handle the cup without a protective glove on. I did not get a glove when I went in there.

And why can't that cup be bigger? Why not make it the size of the toilet? Wouldn't it be better if they gave the patient a 5 gallon bucket? Then, it would be easier for women too. The nurses could take it out, sloshing it around. It has a handle and when they are done, they can flip it over and use it as a seat.

Although, I am sure my wife is saying: "Nope! 5 Gallon buckets are still not wide enough for you. Let's use the whole restroom as the cup."

From New to Veteran

Our new roommate is now considered the roommate. He has graduated to that status. Besides, people will stop asking: Oh, when did he move in?

Tonight, we had a good time. He likes to workout. That is one thing I liked about some of my old roommates. They would inspire me to go to the gym. It was all about getting huge so you could get chicks. And, it worked so well... He is a pretty strong guy. He does this real high intensity stomach exercises where he shifts his head back and forth with as little support from his arms as possible. I can't do stuff like that. I am lucky if I get in a good set of push-ups.

D is helping me to stop watching tv. If I am watching dumb shows like CSI and CSI:Miami by myself, I only have me to answer to, but I do not want him knowing that I am into that stuff. Embarrassing. We watch sports together though. He seems okay with that. I am glad he does not insist on watching every second of SportsCenter. My old roommates had to watch that over and over in the same day. And, it was like Get a newspaper!

This weekend he has some family coming into town. He has a big event going on with his church on Sunday. I don't want to pry in on what his beliefs are, but it would be nice if someone invites us to the church. I always liked to support my roommates in what they had going on.

New Roommate Update

The new roommate, D, is getting settled. We are starting to notice patterns in his behaviour. He usually wears pajamas which I have never seen in other roommates. They are funny though. They are like jumpsuits. He seems to be some sort of Elvis impersonator walking around the house doing karate chops and making that "Uh uh Huh" sound.

He starts his day off by using the restroom. He kind of uses the restroom a lot. He must drink lots of water and eat plenty of fiber. Then, he changes into some really nice cottony clothes. He always looks very comfortable. My brother-in-law, E, pointed out that D has Emo hair. He has not acted terribly Emo. He does not hang out in his room all day being morose. He has no black clothes. I guess he does not smile that much, but he seems normal. Am I being stereotypical and intolerant? I don't want anything weird in my house... well, weirder than me.

He has some very refined eating habits. He generally eats the same thing my wife eats. I am not sure what it is about her choices of food that make him so gung-ho. Of course, she and I eat most of the same food. But D just loves those Creamies. And eggs. And, of course green beans. Whole cans!

I am thinking he might be a magician of some sort. He has these real colorful straight jackets that we help him put on. Then, we turn our eyes and his hands have been free. I don't know how he does it. He is also very masterful-looking with his hands. We will be talking with him and he just moves his hands around with real great emphasis. I thought he was aspiring to be an actor like Captain Kirk or Hamlet or something.


It is hard to know what he is up to exactly. He is still pretty young. As a roommate, I try to make it a rule not to get in the way of people's dreams and aspirations. So, if he wants to be some Captain Kirk style Elvis magician, by all means. We encourage that kind of free-spirited behaviour in our home. Well, as long as they pay their rent of course.

A Conversation

Father: Son, we need to talk.
Son: Yes, Dad.
Father: I have a request. No pressure.
Son: Of course, Dad. What's up?
Father: I really like what you are doing. I am very pleased with your attitude.
Son: Dad, spit it out!
Father: Well, it is just that you don't seem to be sleeping very much.
Son: Yeah, I know. I think it is a phase I am going through.
Father: Mom and I are very concerned.
Son: About me?
Father: Well... no. Not exactly. We are more concerned about ourselves.
Son: I can understand that.
Father: It is just that if you don't sleep, we don't sleep.
Son: I think I am getting plenty of sleep.
Father: Oh, absolutely. I have no doubt of that. It is just the timing of it.
Son: I don't know what to say, Dad. I sleep when I am tired. You do the same.
Father: I know. I know.
Son: Dad, this sounds like a problem you and Mom need to work out. I will do what I can, but I think there is not much I can do. Yawn...

Roommate Expectations (so cheap)

D has taken over our lives. He is a really strange roommate. He only sleeps in three-hour increments. He wakes up, goes to the bathroom, then on to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. I think my Uncle G is a big milk fan too. I will have to ask him if he has to get up at weird hours. It would not be so bad if D quietly did these things, but he wakes us up in the process.

He also has us driving him around everywhere. We went to visit his twin cousins, H and B, twice yesterday. And, his Aunt M flew in from Germany so we had to be there for that. He is very family-oriented, so that is good. I am going to have to have a talk with his parents though, because some of this behaviour is just downright childish.

When it comes to roommates, my expectations are this:
1. Have your own car (or at least know how to drive)
2. Sleep like normal people sleep
3. Help out around the house from time to time
4. Bathe yourself
5. Be uglier and less charming than me.

That is not such a hard list, is it?

This Is the Last Straw!

The new roommate, D, must be from California or something. He is making claims that the sun is not good enough here in Utah, so he has ordered his own tanning bed to be in our house. So, he spends all day in there and only comes out to use the restroom and eat.

He has not been very social either since the tanning bed got here. I guess he really has to gear up and be ready for when summer hits. I understand that need. There is nothing more embarrassing than being at the pool and having this white body or a real bad farmer tan. I will bet the girls are just going to come running to see his glistening golden brown muscles.

The Never-Ending Metaphor

The new roommate has moved in and he brought his Grandma with him. She is helping him with all the things he cannot do himself. And, she is helping fill in the void where his parents fall short.

He certainly has a lot of charm. Everyone that sees him is a big fan. I just don't understand how someone can do so little and be so popular. I have had roommates like this before. The fact that they existed was all girls needed in order to have crushes on them. There goes my jealousy again.

He keeps sleeping all the time. We want him to eat more, but he dozes off. We have been sitting around with him when he fell asleep right in the middle of lunch.

He took a bath today... finally! Who is this guy going all that time without bathing? It does not seem to matter though. I thought he would at least go into the shower and do it, but no! He got up on the counter and displayed his nakedness to everyone in the house.

I really do like him though. We talk all the time. Actually, I do most of the talking. He is a great listener. He is not judgmental at all. Sometimes you get roommates who are so full of themselves. Not him. His name is D and I recommend meeting him. He will change your life as he has mine.

Being Apparent

Everyone says that being apparent is tough work. I just figure it is all about showing up.

One That Rhymes - Late Night Poetry

He came one Monday Night
All white and purple and gooey
He had so much hair
He sort of looked like Chewie.

We looked outside to see the snow
And then back again inside
Some strange wind blew out there
Creating this wonderful child

Not expecting him so soon
The doctor gave us voice.
With Caesar as our guide
We marvelled at our choice.

We find in him new hope and life
As we age inside our skin.
But exercise is sure
As we try to keep up with him.

Fatherhood

I met my son today
It took a few years.
I had to meet my wife first
And get a house and a dog.

We found him a crib
And a car seat.
I bought him a gift today also
I figured he needed a dog too

Now I just watch him grow
He does not smile yet.
He does not see me either.
But I like him. He's asleep.

The New Roommate Is In Town

The new roommate is in town. We have been visiting with him and helping him to get used to the new surroundings. I tried to explain to him the reasoning behind living in Utah. He seems okay with it as long as he gets 12 square meals a day.

It was great to meet him yesterday. He is a little heavier than in the pictures I saw of him. He does not talk too much. He is kind of stocky too. I am a little jealous of him, because he has a lot more hair than I do. I think my wife may pay more attention to him too.

I have had quite a few roommates over the years. Some really good ones too. I am hoping that he does not mind me watching tv all night long. I hope he does not knock on my door complaining about loud music. It would also be nice if he cleans up after himself too. So many roommates in the past who just think that I am a parent who is supposed to clean up after them...

The Sick Chronicles

Over the past couple weeks, I have been sick and I wanted to describe it and get the full experience as one who is sick. Since being sick is physical and mental, what better way to convey the inner feeling than to write while my mind is ... sick?

My Side of the Mirror
I have been fortunate. I hardly ever get sick. And if I do, it is a small incident. It never lasts more than two days. But this all changed last week when I got really sick. I have it all. Couqhing, Sneezing, runny nose, sore throat, fever, hot sweats, cold sweats, inability to sleep, etc.

I am drinking lots of water. And, I am eating lots of oranges. My appetite is down, but not too down. I am just sick. And one has to be patient with sick. Much can be said for sick. It is the time of life when one has all the time in the world, but no motivation, nor much ability. Finally, I can get caught up on all those tv shows or movies I have been wanting to watch.

But there is something lost when sickness enters the picture. I can't watch things and enjoy them, because the whole notion of inspiration is to watch something and be motivated to go accomplish more.

Sick is a justification to do nothing, but rest. So, why all the guilt? Because I can still do most everything. I can wash the dishes and do the laundry. I can clean my room, but I am supposed to be resting. Sickness is kind of about being patient. One's body is doing all it can to fight off the invasion that has occurred. So, I try to arm it with all I can. Water and juice and fruit. I probably should add some soup in there too.

What is the aspect of sick that people should glean from it? Is being sick bad? Well, it is frustrating. I guess there is being sick, the sick attitude and then the person who, despite being sick, rises above it. For someone who does not get sick very often, I easily fall into the sick attitude. Leave me alone. Let me recover. It's almost done. I just need to spend every day walking around the house in my pajamas. Is all of this really necessary?

Perhaps it is. Maybe that helps us fall into the patience aspect of being sick. You're sick! Accept it! Mope around the house in my pajamas.

Or, is the sickness more a state of mind that one needs to overcome by mere will? Since this is the harder of the two, perhaps it is best to follow this train of thought for awhile. I have heard of people who are extremely sick but one would never know by how they behave.

Of course we all know the chronic types who are always sick and make sure that everyone knows they are. Are these people justified? Possibly. They have been dealt a bad hand. Others should know what they have to go through. Whether they are as sick as they think, there is no doubt that they are somewhat sick. We are not to judge. We are only to help and serve, try to empathize.

My side of the mirror in our bathroom is disgusting. I guess I brush my teeth in a very unique way that causes the toothpaste to splatter all over the place. I let it get this way and leave it there for far too long. This is sick. Sick behaviour. How hard is it to walk in the other room, grab a paper towel and the Windex and quickly clean it off? Not hard.

Sick Mode
With these new developments, there is light at the end of the tunnel. So, I guess I can stop being in sick mode, despite the fact that I don't really feel much better.

What is sick mode? It is the concept or the idea of being sick. The feel sorry for yourself mode. The lay around in your pajamas all day and not take a shower for three mode. It is the patience mode. It is the watch the lamest things you can find on tv mode. It is kind of like giving up on ever getting better. Not that one really believes that, but it is just part of the mode. It is almost like a role one is playing.

So why not just never enter sick mode? Despite how bad one feels, one should always take it that it will soon be over, right? Isn't the one who is in sick mode just making everything worse for oneself including those around them? I am arguing for the necessity of sick mode.

sick....
I want to write about this sick experience while I am sick, because then I can truly give it the credit it deserves, or wants.

Being sick is such a deplorable state. It is the antithesis of everything one wants to achieve and do. It takes the body and turns it upside down convincing one that everything good is bad and everything bad is worse.

Exacerbation

I went to the doctor the other day because of this stupid sickness. As a result, I am not really sure what is going on. I had a notebook with me. I wrote down as much as I could. I tried to remember what happened. I do remember it was an older female physician and I talked a lot about my symptoms.

The one word I do remember was Exacerbation. I think I have officially been diagnosed with Exacerbation. I think she used that word about 10 times. That must be it.

My sore throat was exacerbated by my allergies. Or, my upper respiratory problem was exacerbated by my allergies. Or, my allergies were exacerbated by my allergies. How many is that? Three? Okay, seven more exacerbations.

Uncomfortable yet? It's not a very comforting word.