Quality Control

Hospitals are funny places.  I see why there are so many movies and tv shows about them.  Everything is dramatic there.  It is such a strange world with so many people coming and going.  TV shows have a new guest each week so they can come in all angry and pissed off and within an hour they have resolved their issues.  While at the hospital I did not seen one person overreact to anything.  I am sure it happens, but not on a weekly occurrence like the TV indicates.

The hospital food was not bad.  I enjoyed licking the scraps up off the floor when my wife was done with them.  But I was still amazed that the food was not great.  I have prepared food before and it does not take much to make it fresh and enjoyable.  

I can imagine there is this motivated food preparer down there who is doing her best to make everything great.  She is putting the garnishes on the plate.  She is slicing the orange in just the right way.  The sandwich is hot and the bacon is still sizzling. She is just about out the door to deliver the food and she is stopped by Quality Control.

"I'll take that food!" Quality Control announces and they grab the tray away.  Then, they go through a series of steps to take care of the quality.  They hold the sandwich out on the window ledge for 10 minutes.  They painstakingly paint the red grapes green.  They throw the diced potatoes back on the grill and do their best to burn them.   

Then, the food gets sent up by a person who does not get tips for their deliveries.  They also appear to be a person who has gotten orders wrong, because they verify the name before they hand the food over.

I realize it is bulk food, but I would expect it to be as good as Denny's...

Star Power

Tower Heist was on the other night.  My wife and I watched it and there were a couple of good laughs.  

What was incredible to me was that Matthew Broderick was in it and was not billed as one of the top guys.  Maybe it is just my generation, but to me, Matthew Broderick has major star power.  His part was pretty small, but I found myself more interested in his character than anyone else.  His lines were great.  He played a former Wall Street guy who lost everything including his wife and family.  Somehow, he ends up on the team of thieves which Ben Stiller assembles.

The really weird part was how unfunny Eddie Murphy was.  He's another with star power, but it was like he was just there to collect his paycheck.  He offered nothing to the movie.  It really could have been anyone in that role.

And then there was Ben Stiller and he pretty much played Ben Stiller.  He had his calm demeanor and then he goes ape at one point.  How many times have we seen that happen?

I understand that movies like this do not have strong writers.  It is the buddy heist, feel good movie.  There are a couple twists and turns to make you feign interest.

The real key figure to me was Matthew Broderick.  He is the only one who appeared to take the role seriously and bring something to it.  Perhaps that is because the big roles are starting to not come his way anymore.  So maybe he adds more content to the roles he gets.

When I was a kid, I watched Wargames and Ladyhawke hundreds of times.  Matthew Broderick was so good.  I know that most everyone loves Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  I enjoyed it when I saw it in the theater, but I ended up taking a second look and I have had a tough time since then.  Matthew Broderick is still good in it, but the movie itself is more about how to be the biggest possible a-hole and get away with it.  You watch the movie and think: Who am I rooting for again?

I liked the fact that he would take a small role and still give a solid performance.  I think that says something about the kind of work that actors and directors need to bring to movies.  We, as the audience, know.  We are not fooled by the big names.  So what that you big names are Eddie Murphy and Ben Stiller?!  You got my attention for this movie!  What are you bringing to it?!  Oh, nothing?  Maybe I will go find some actors who are willing to bring more to the screen.

Almighty Golf

When I saw Caddyshack as a young boy, I really thought golf was cool.  Despite the fact that they were ripping on the establishment, the country club aspect and the lameness of the rich, I really thought that golf had something to offer me.

For years, I tried to learn what I could about the game.  There is certainly a mystique around the game of golf.  Guys get together and they have to wear collared shirts and they can't step in each other's lines.  White glove on the left hand.  Michael Jackson?

I suppose I have felt sort of like Jay Gatsby, who thought he could be part of the rich by assimilating into its culture of parties and excess.  Only instead of flappers and top hats I am reminded that I need to shut up when someone is swinging and let the guy whose ball is furthest away go first even though he just stepped into the bushes to take a leak.

I had one good friend who wanted to go golfing all the time with me.  And we went to the cheesiest and cheapest course in town.  He beat me every single time.  But it was fun and inexpensive with no pressure to be good or flip out because my shot is hooking or fading or whatever.  This is how I think golf should be for me.  (Granted, I will flip out when playing volleyball but that's another story...)

I don't want to offer up my firstborn on the altars of golf. The country club temples are a little much.  And, I don't want to dress up in the priestly robes of Nike nor use the PING clubs to slice out the heart of the fairway.  

I want to have my thrift store cleats and my second hand clubs from the 1980s with socks on the drivers.  

I am not saying I want to be Happy Gilmore or even Al Czervyk.  

But being the ball with Ty Webb in his blindfold is the kind of golf I am shooting for.  Nananananana...