I go through each day attacking goals. I come up with goals, write them down and take days to get them done. I have a family that brings me a lot of joy. But I wonder why I am not having to fight off nazis. Why don't I know anyone who is an absolute expert at something and so passionate about it that they are willing to die for it? And what about the every day stories that always crop up?
I bring up the nazi example, because somehow movies typically end up going in that extreme direction. National Socialism is something that happened in our world and it conveys a convenient ultimate evil.
Movies are all about being so extreme. It has to be that way because we don't have time to go into any philosophies. We need something quick and dirty that most people will get right away. Naziism. Perfect. It has the ultimate bad guy. The ultimate, hate-filled philosophy. The ultimate, recognizable symbol. The ultimate, head in the sand approach. The ultimate, obey orders or die.
I almost feel like it is a cop out to go that direction. The writing team is together and they are wanting to come up with a bad guy. They start out with something cool, but then the Hollywood types get involved. Pretty soon, they want to simplify it. They are all about taking out the stuff which makes people have to think. They water it down. They want the broader audience.
And I know. You got two hours. Basically, you have to decide what it is you want to really accomplish with this film. Do you really want to spend the time with the main character as he learns how to check off his goals? No. We expect him to already be established. We expect that his goals were already achieved and whatever the big, bold direction the movie is going in will be that goal.
My current goal is getting the sprinklers adjusted and spraying in the right spot. When I accomplish that, I am excited. But how do you make a movie about that? So I take this idea to Hollywood. It's the feel good hit of the summer. I was able to adjust my sprinklers and create green, lush grass.
So here I am in a dialogue with Hollywood:
Me: Here's my pitch. I want to see a movie about a busy guy whose main goal is to finish things around the house.
Holly: So like a Mr Mom type movie?
Me: I guess so, but he would still have a job. He has a family and kids. His wife works too. He just has a tough time getting his home projects done.
Holly: Then he is handicapped. In a wheelchair.
Me: No. He is a normal guy who just doesn't know how to do stuff.
Holly: An illiterate city dweller, who comes to the country to farm the open land. Like Northern Exposure. Or Green Acres.
Me: Yeah, I guess that is kind of it.
Holly: So we'll have all these backwoods, idiot neighbors with lots of quirks that the audience laughs at.
Me: Can't the neighbors be the fairly normal ones? It's the main character who is flawed because he has very little common sense.
Holly: Aha! We have a character like Tom Hanks in the Money Pit where a series of prat falls and slapstick ensue in a Rube Goldberg type way throughout the house and yard.
Me: I guess so. He does stupid things because he is learning. But they don't all happen in a row or anything.
Holly: Well, we want to keep the audience invested in him. If multiple things happen to him like he continually gets sprayed in the face over and over and over again, then that's comic gold.
Movie plots have to play out this way, because otherwise, why would anyone go see it? And to me that is the unfortunate thing. The embellishment always has to be there. It can't just be accomplishing a goal. The story is not about adjusting the sprinkler. The story is all the elements which combined to try to prevent the protagonist from adjusting the sprinkler. The nazis who moved in next door, the explosions going on across the street, the car race going on down the street, the liberal water rights group who think the water should be going to the indigenous hummingbird population. It has to be huge because it is a movie.
