What Did I Miss?

One of my least favourite movies is The Goonies. However, I don't want to dislike it. I really, really want to like it. I think, in theory, it is one of the best ideas for a movie. It is just executed so poorly. Everytime it is on, I watch it, hoping that it changed a little since I saw it last. It must have had some great marketing in its early days. Or perhaps it is the sets and the ideas behind the scenes, but the actual scenes are torture.

I often try to come up with replacement ideas to make something better, like take out the last half hour of Close Encounters of the Third Kind or the last hour and a half of Return of the King. Or, make Back to the Future 2's future more creative and less retro-eighties.

With Goonies, they need to eliminate the Fratellis. I like Joe Pantoliano, but not even he makes those scenes work. And the Mom is just lame. Of course, Sloth (John Matuszak) is great and that is a role which they could have kept. He could have come from anywhere. I suppose people think that they need to have villains to run from, but I like the idea of the kids doing the adventure and just battling the elements themselves. The Fratellis are a distraction from the imagination of what was going on. We don't feel threatened by them. They are not going to kill the kids.

Let us go with the battle the elements concept. They find the treasure map and they start their journey. As they are going, they get deeper and deeper into it. Suddenly, there is that fear all kids feel of doing something adventurous, but really dangerous. Because they were being chased by the Fratellis, we had no time for that self-aware feeling. They come to the organ that they have to play the right keys. Then, they know they are on the right track. By the time they get to the pirate ship, they are amazed, but even then, there would still be pitfalls. To me, that would be more real and play more with our imaginations.

There is also the idea that Mikey (Sean Astin) shows us when he is talking to One Eyed Willie in the pirate ship. There was finally a quiet moment after so much yelling and screaming. But it didn't fit. Suddenly, there was this sentimentality scene that we got no wind of before. These rude, disrespectful kids are solemn and caring? Where does that come from? However, if they had worked that into the script, instead of giving the Fratellis so much screen time, we would have a movie with characters we care about.

Does anyone not come away from this movie thinking: It is a bunch of kids yelling all the time? I want to like those kids, but they all bother me. I know they are goony...

I look at the cast and I think: Wow! Corey Feldman is in this. It has to be good. Unfortunately, they didn't center the movie on him and that was their first mistake. Short Round is in it. I think if Keanu Reeves had been in it, there may have been some hope... Sean Astin is okay, but he bothers me in this. He does not carry the movie and he needs to. We need to like him more and we don't.

I look at the beginning and they didn't draw me in to the Goonie world. They had the overly complicated contraption which was creative. Mouth (Corey Feldman) was doing his bit with the housekeeper. Short Round was doing his gadgetry and Chunk was fat and awkward. The stereotypes were all present and not helping it.

It is one of those movies where I feel like I missed something. I watch it from beginning to end and it has that feeling of chopped-up movie with all the wrong scenes left in. I know it is a sentimental favourite of many, many people in my generation...