What Can I Teach My Boy?

What can I teach my boy?

I have been pondering this question lately as we are stuck inside on these cold winter nights.  I taught my son how to tie his shoelaces the other night.  That seemed pretty major.  He is already reading like a madman, so I can't do much there.  He is better than me at video games now.  And, he plays with LEGOs like a champ.

Then, it dawned on me that I could help him learn how to program.  So, we set about doing his first program.  Since he is still very young, I figured I would show him the basics.  But, we didn't program in BASIC.  And, we did not do a command line "Hello World" application.  I know!  How do you not do "Hello World"?



I broke out the Visual Studio 2008.  And we coded in C#.  We created a Spiderman Calculator which only did addition.  It did a postback.  No javascript.  I had him fill in the text for the labels and button.  He picked out the image.  And I wrote the code for the calculator.  It was a nice, simple out of the box application which anyone could do.  But do they?

There was a moment in which I was trying to convey to him the deep importance of what he was witnessing.  

One day, son, you could be hacking into Target...

The Psycho Wall

Have you noticed that a lot of movies/tv shows have a psycho wall hidden in the main character's  home?  You know it.  It's the wall which has lots of clippings on it and pieces of paper with yarn connecting them.  And they use this primarily to make all sorts of connections in the revenge that they have planned.

I have decided that I need to have one of these walls myself.  Of course, it has to be hidden from everyone.  And I need to come up with someone or something to plan my revenge against.  Perhaps, it could be the inventor of the piano key necktie. 

Or it could be something more abstract.  Like, coming up with a way to solve world hunger.  Yeah.  And I could do it in secret.  Then, I could take all that information on my wall and have it tattooed on my body.  Of course, all those papers will need to be destroyed.  Once it is tattooed on my body, then I could infiltrate the organizations who hold back all the food.  They would never suspect I had all the answers inked on my body.

That seems kind of expensive though.  The hidden wall I could just cover up with a piece of plywood, but a tattoo like that would not be cheap.  And all those food bank employees would be wondering why I keep taking off my shirt.  For street cred, man!  Yeah, that won't work.

So for now, I will just have to stick to the psycho wall and Mugatu.  To start with, I need to borrow some yarn from my wife.  Then, I need to either get a piano key necktie or draw one.  Do you think those movie characters have much time to draw out their connections?  I could see spending a couple hours trying to make the psycho wall look balanced and artistic.  As planned out as they make it, the characters always seem a little more anxious than that. 

What was wrong with chalkboards?

Based On Actual Trueness

I love movies that are based on a true story.  I love the fact that it says: "based on a true story."  It does not say "This IS a true story."  In fact, it NEVER says that it is a true story.  The producers of movies know that they have to deliver half-truths.

One of my favourite things to do with movies that are based on a true story is to figure out the elements of the movie which are definitely not true.  There are things they do in movies which are so cliche that it makes me cringe.  They have this formula that they have to do and it blows my mind that they cannot deviate from it.

Somehow it seems to be that the biggest non-truths happen in the climax of the movie.  Here I am attempting to point some out, but I would be spoiling the movie.  So, I will try to use some old examples.

Many years ago there was a movie called White Squall.  It was based on an incident where some boys have a school on a boat and a big storm comes up and wipes them out.  Lives were lost and there is this big courtroom scene at the end and one of the kids holds up this bell that was on the boat.  It was so cheap and lame that it just caused me to lose all the great tension that the movie had.  It took me out of the movie, which violates suspension of disbelief.

Another movie that comes to mind was Hidalgo.  That one was just agonizing.  The horse race across the dessert.  The rescue of the princess or whatever.  The horse...  wow! That was a long time ago and very forgettable.

The Coen brothers did Fargo and they said it was based on a true story at the beginning.  That was a complete lie to begin with, so the joke was on us the whole time.  Coens for the win.

I think there has to be a better disclaimer at the onset.  Let's not use the word "true" or "actual".  How about we say something like: "You are watching a movie so don't hold us accountable for anything that is going to happen in it.  Some names belong to living or dead people.  So what!  It's a movie!"

Actually, there is a disclaimer that goes a lot like that: "...If you are wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts, repeat to yourself 'It's just a show.' So breathe and just relax."  

Please Leave Your Elephant Gun At The Door... Also Your Donkey Gun While You Are At It

I was once a kid and I know what it is like to be bullied, to have fear.  The idea that some other kid and his anger or angst or anxiety could weigh on me so heavily that I shrank at my desk or cowered by walking home a longer way.  It is completely horrible.  It is debilitating.

I am sure it was equally frustrating for my father who watched me not take control better.  In so many situations, I just let the environment get the best of me.  Whether it was other kids or coaches or domineering adults, it was hard to find my place.

But I will tell you, I never imagined ever coming to school with a gun so I could slaughter my enemy.  Or take out my frustrations on a bunch of innocents.  Maybe a lot of people imagine doing such things, but never carry them out.  I don't know.  But I didn't.

Pro-gun people have all their set arguments and anti-gun people have all theirs.  In talking to most anyone about this, the polarization is ugly.  I am trying to reach a source of truth here though.  I don't want to jump into the politics of it (although that is pretty unavoidable).  I am trying to explore what solutions might exist for this sort of tragedy that continues to happen in our country.

A gun is very powerful.  It's pretty much the most powerful item that the average man can own.  With a gun, a person is able to kill someone in seconds.  Other people, themselves, you name it.  They can destroy things quickly.  And, in the wrong hands, there is not much hope.  People cower.  People run for cover.  People are not charging the shooter trying to disarm them.

Someone who pulls out a gun for whatever reason has just taken a huge stand and is announcing to those around that he/she means business.  Even in a place like a shooting range where many others are armed, the responsibility that each gun-owner carries is huge.  That person has to look out for himself, those around him like their family.  There is no light moment in which a child can play with a gun.  Life is serious when guns are introduced.

So, back to the problem.  How does a teenager get hold of a gun?  How do we prevent this sort of thing from happening?  How do we get the retaliation aspect out of kids' heads?  Out of adults' heads even?  Protection is one thing, but what is causing people to assume that they need to even the playing field or one up others at all costs?  What is going on in our societal programming that makes people think this way?  Why does it all end with guns?  Why is our focus so much on guns?

I realize that we can't just take everything away like video games, movies and of course, guns.  But maybe we can shift our attitudes away from the things that are getting people killed.  

I know people that play video games and enjoy the missions.  In the process they carry multiple weapons and shoot anything and everything at will.  While that may be horrifying to a small child, by the time many kids are teenagers, they don't think twice about first person shooter games.  Most of those people (kids and adults) can rationally think that when they are not playing the game they have no reason to go out and do the same thing to others.  But, I don't think I am wrong in saying that simulating a first person gun toting narrative invites ideas into people's heads about doing those sorts of things.  And if one supports games of this nature, one should accept that irrational people will take it a step further.  They have. 

Now, I watched the Matrix and the scene where Neo goes to rescue Morpheus is very intense.  There is no doubt he is going to blow everyone away in the process, but it is cool because there is this music along with it that pumps you up.  They are in their black leather and doing all sorts of cool acrobatic style tricks in slow motion.  The movie is Rated R.  And, I don't come out of that thinking that I need to go into a building and start blowing people away.  But what kind of entertainment is this?  What kind of society feeds off this sort of thing?  And if we just tweak a couple of assumptions, what is to stop people from deciding to do almost the same thing?

Violence and shootings are the types of things we have to deal with in a society that wants to have as much freedom as possible to do whatever.  People may argue that these types of crimes are statistically going to happen and that there is nothing that can be done about it.  Maybe that is true.  I don't want it to be true.  There are countries where things like this never happen.  It's possible that the people in these countries are drooling in a cup all day long as the government doles out their rations of cheese.  Part of being such a great dynamic country is having to deal with a few losers who go nuts and kill a bunch of people.  Our only two options are: 

1. the cheese and the cup
2. bullets in the brain  

One or the other.  Choose!


It is almost as if we worship guns.  People don't fear God.  They fear guns.  Kids don't go bowling.  They play games where they can shoot each other on tv.  Adults don't go see movies about love and compassion.  Adults go to mature movies about justice where guns are always there. 

Guns have become a fact of life.  

And with so much emphasis placed on guns, those who don't get the loving family nor the accepting society nor the accommodating peer group are lost.  They only see the guns, because that is the only thing that makes them feel powerful.

So what do we do to counter this notion, this improper worship of a false god?

Rather than point at everyone else, I will just say what I think I should do.  

First of all, I look at a gun as a sacred trust.  For example: 

• This is something that doesn't come out unless it is absolutely needed.  
• To protect my home.  
• To protect my country. 

I could argue that the shooting range is necessary from time to time.  But other than that, there is nothing cavalier about a firearm.  It stays locked up and is respected.

Second, it is time to look out for the little guy, the kid that is not going to understand the purpose of a gun.  This is a little abstract, but I am more interested in the creative mind and what people can create, rather than what they can destroy.  Let's excite our children with art not with destruction.  

Third, bullying seems to be part of life.  In some ways, I wish it wasn't, but it is there.  And it is something that has to be dealt with on some level.  I don't believe in getting the crap kicked out of you to make a point.  I don't believe that a weapon has to be used either to handle that sort of situation.  There are some awful people out there.  And there are normal people who do awful things.  I will try to teach people to give it time when it comes to dealing with bullies.  

Bullies get humbled.  Life is rough on everyone.  


Now, if a bully has broken into my house, that's a different story...

To Boldly Go Where Everyone Else Did 20 Years Ago

Do you ever have a day where you don't watch TV and you feel pretty dang good about yourself?  Today is one of those days... so far.  

Currently, I am watching Star Trek The Next Generation on Netflix and I am on season 4.  You know how when you start to read a book and you just can't get into it for the first few chapters and then suddenly it hits you that you are loving it?  That is where I am on Star Trek The Next Generation.  I should have always loved it, right?  I did as a kid.  Didn't I?

It is not as great as the original Star Trek.  (Oddly enough the Next Generation effects are dated enough to look the same as the original.)  But it has its place.  It really is quite different from the original.  So I will not compare.  I feel that is wrong.

Part of why I couldn't get into Star Trek The Next Generation is because of my wife.  She watched them for years with her family growing up and I got the impression she didn't like it, that somehow it was a form of abuse for her.  But I was wrong.  She does like it.  She just doesn't want to watch it again.  Weird!

For me, everything after Season 2 is all brand new.  I stopped watching it back then.  I guess I might have gotten too cool for it.  I remember my best friends would watch it.  And D's girlfriend was really into the whole Troi aspect of it.  Like, each time Troi would say: "I sense a lot of conflict in this alien being and that they are not telling the truth", it would generate all new discussion.  For me, I am thinking:  "Really, Troi?  You say that about everyone you encounter.  Isn't it possible that alien ships encountering this huge mother of a ship with tons of firepower might not tell the complete truth when lined up in the crosshairs?"

But I like Troi.  I like everybody.  I even like Wesley Crusher.  Funny, I am trying to think of who I don't like.  I think I am suspicious of Riker not being likable.  At the start of an episode, I have doubts about him, but he always wins me over by the end.  

I was pretty mad at Troi for being such a big baby when she lost her empathic ability a couple episodes back.  She resigned and went through the whole drama thing.  I know that was the point of it all.  She was finally learning what it was like to be human rather than betazoid.

So perhaps all of this is me coming to terms with my inner nerd.  Or is it innerd?  I know with all my star wars movie knowledge and other geek things I do, I have always qualified on some level.  But I think embracing Star Trek The Next Generation as something great at this point in my life is really saying a lot about how uncool I have become.  Finally!!!  

Chicken Coop Frickin' Poop!

As I trudged through the snow which has blanketed our backyard for a couple months now, I headed for the chicken coop to ... Oh man!  That smell!  I opened that door and it gives new meaning to the term "cooped up."

I don't know what it is, but no one who owns chickens tells you about this part of it.  The winter part.  There is chicken poop everywhere in the coop.  And I mean everywhere.  There is no place which is sacred for the chickens.  Their water.  Their food.  The spot where they are supposed to lay eggs.  Granted, they do not poop in the far right nest where eggs are retrieved, so I guess that one is sacred, but everywhere else... 

The smell is awful, but changing the water is such a pain.  It has to be kept from freezing, so there is a heating element inserted into the top.  But, this also welcomes a host of green life which needs to be scrubbed out.  And, it is too cold to attach the hose up to the spigot, so everything has to be done right next to the house.  The weather is cold so I am freezing.  And, the lid has to be on just right or the water flows all the way out.

I really don't understand this club of chicken owners who have gotten together and conspired to tell everyone how great it is to have your own eggs.  Brother Brown has chickens.  Why shouldn't you?  I have never really had a problem with store-bought and as far as I know, neither has anyone else I have ever met.  In fact, I have one friend who prefers bleached eggs.

The only other possible argument is that chicken poop in the yard makes great fertilizer.  But, it also makes a big mess when you track it in to your house because it is literally everywhere in the yard.

As I was going through these awful chores today, I came to the conclusion that I was going to tell my wife that when these chickens died, that's it!  No more!  I have had it with this disgusting mess and the smell and all that goes into having our own eggs.  

But then it dawned on me.  I have children who need to learn how to be tough and be responsible for things.  I have a son who needs to see that his father is not afraid of going out and braving the monstrous amounts of chicken crap in the backyard.  He needs to see that his father does not back down, but comes up with solutions to problems.  My daughter needs to see the smile on my face as I scoop out the piles of chicken poop out of the coop and into the wheelbarrow.  She needs to know that Daddy whistles while he works.

Indeed, the days of doing what we want to do and being comfortable are past us.  It is a new day in which we have to build up a new generation of chicken farmers who can pick up a chicken and not be afraid as it tries to fly away and pecks at their hands or the shiny objects on their shoes.  One day, my children will thank me that I taught them these things.

(Can I also say that I am thankful my Dad did not butcher chickens like my best friend's Dad did down the street growing up?  I guess blood was everywhere like the movie Evil Dead.  We'll just let ours die of natural causes...)

Do You Want to Build a Snow Castle?

My only problem with the new movie, Frozen, is the sudden ability for Elsa to create a masterpiece castle of ice and snow in the middle of nowhere on a really steep mountain.  She starts walking up the hill, gets to where she wants to build it and then suddenly starts emitting perfect angles and pristine staircases.  Everything is perfect right away.  

Couldn't they have humoured us a little bit?  Give us something to show that she isn't perfect at it right away.  She could have shot out a blast of ice which was intended to be the initial wall, but then it starts to fall, so she tries to shore it up with another ice 2 x 4.  But then that has trouble holding.  She realizes her foundation isn't so good, so she stops for a second.  She then creates a rudimentary ice chair which is a little off, but it's a decent item to sit on as she starts planning her dream ice castle and honing her skill.

She could be working on all these things, all while singing this song about letting it go.  Here she stands as she is propelled upwards on a sure foundation of smooth ice in carved out doorways and magnificent arches.  It would make more sense if she was busy building something from scratch rather than just sulking about her awesome power while everything is already done.

What's wrong with a little trial and error?  We saw that with Spiderman when he starts shooting his webs and goes hurtling below when it doesn't work right.  Xmen has been about them learning how to perfect their mutant abilities and control.  Luke Skywalker blows up the Death Star after practicing against the remote which shoots little laser blasts.  And How to Train Your Dragon showed a step by step process to learn to work with and gain trust of a fire-breathing death serpent.

Of course, it is good to teach little kids about love conquering all, but mutant freezing powers does not mean you are suddenly a master builder and architect.