Just How Far Have We Rolled

The other day I told my kid to roll up her window.  There is that part of me that finds it amusing that we still use the term "roll up" when it comes to car windows.  Like "hanging up" the phone or the phone is "ringing".  Telling time hearkens back to a day of reading the hands of a clock.  Firing up the modem and hearing its squeal is another good memory of an older, less civil time.

All of these ideas make me think of just how far we have come...

I am a little torn on power windows.  I kind of miss rolling up my window myself by turning the window handle.  It was a quick motion that I could do.  I never once said to myself: "I am so tired of rolling up and down my stupid window!  When are they going to invent something that makes this job easier?!!!"  

It takes the same amount of time for the window to go up and down when rolling it than it does when pushing the button.  In fact, I think it is even slower now.  There I am looking at my watch as my window slowly makes its way up.  I am staring at the window in disbelief as I say: "Don't mind me.  I have got nowhere else to be..."  At least with the handle I felt like I was getting somewhere.  If it went slow, I was the one to blame.

In all fairness to the power window consortium I have to say that as a driver I can simultaneously control all the windows in the car from one arm rest control panel.  That helps cancel out the loss of the rolling up and down muscle in my arm...  If only there was a way to still have that handle and the control panel.  The best of both worlds.

However, the one that is really killing me right now, the one that sends me into convulsive fits of tiny rage, the one that makes me stop and think that I need to be a good example for my kids even though I am ready to take a baseball bat to the mechanism ... is the power doors.

THE POWER DOORS

Ha! It is a little ironic that they call them Power Doors.  How about Emasculation Doors?  How about I Am On My Own Time And I Do Not Care If You Are Trying To Get Somewhere In A Hurry Doors?  Or even I Do Not Feel Like Working Today Doors?

The first couple times, it was a little cute.  There I am showing off our awesome automatic doors.  I pull the handle and then it does the rest. Yeah!  I am just like everyone else.  I do not even have to watch it close.  I know it will close, because it is automatic and it works and it is convenient and I don't have to do any work and it is like a robot and it is so gentle and slow and... and... 

I THINK I AM GOING OUT OF MY FREAKIN' MIND!!!!!!  WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING?!!!  THIS ISN'T BETTER!!!!

What this has done is it has caused me to think back.  Like rolling up the windows, I think: What did we used to do?  Let me see.  With doors, we used to open them.  Maybe sometimes, a little hard, but it opened and it worked.  And it worked all the time.  And then, we shut them.  Maybe we didn't shut them all the way, but then we would do it again.  And we learned how to shut them just right.  But it was instantaneous.  It didn't meander along to its own little song.  It was a Whoosh!  Done.  Over.  Get out, everyone!

Now I am thinking: Did we go too far?  Can we get back the non-power doors?  Did our stupid, button pushing, I can't do anything for myself society push this on us to the point of no return?  Can we go back?  My vehicle now is doomed (and so am I for the time being), but maybe the next one.... Please.

That would normally be a good spot to end, but this story goes on.  Oh yes.  We decided to get one of those push button starter vehicles.  In theory, this sounds like a great idea.  I push a button and my car starts.  I can see them pitching that idea to the executives and them just salivating at the idea...  Convenience!  So convenient!  Push a button!  That is all.  So simple.  So right.

I would love to have been there and been able to raise my hand and when called on, asked: 

+ Hold on!  What sort of key do you have to have to enable this push-button wonder?

- It would be like your standard unlock your door remote.

+ Okay, but we are talking more than just unlocking the doors, right?  Those remotes last forever.  Doesn't this new key have to run a lot more power?  Doesn't it have to detect where it is in relation to the car?

- Yes, but we have a standard replaceable battery.

+ Aha. And in order to start my car, I need to have this remote key around with a working battery?

- We would warn you if the battery was getting low.

+ So, I am a little old-fashioned.  I have a key when put in the ignition starts the car anytime, anywhere.  Now, you want me to get this new key which has to have a working battery inside it in order to start?  Any idea how long these batteries will last?

- 6 months to a year, maybe?  We do give you a warning when it gets low.

+ Yes.  You said that.  So, it would probably be a good idea to stock up on about 10 of these batteries.  Do you think maybe it would be a clever idea to have a bunch of these batteries waiting in the glove compartment for buyers of these cars?

- Oh come on!  It's just a little battery...