All Work And No Play Makes Daddy Tough To Watch Movies With

I had my kids watch an old time monster movie with me today.  I wondered if they were old enough to be watching it with me.  They were on the edge of their seats...  Not because they were scared though.  It was because I kept grabbing them to cover their eyes at the scary parts.  They kept pushing me away wanting to watch.

Meanwhile, I am thinking: This was a bad idea.  I figured my oldest would be fine and the younger two would just busy themselves in the toy room or playing dolls or whatever.  But no.  They were transfixed.  They had to watch every second.  It is like my kids sensed my aura and they had to know what all the concern was about.  So they are watching all these suspenseful scenes probably thinking to themselves: What is Dad so worried about?  These scenes are stupid.  I get more suspense when my Dad holds his hands above me to tickle me...

They say that dogs sense when their owners get stressed out.  And the dog owner is usually stressed out because their dog is about to get eaten by a much larger more aggressive dog that is running full speed towards them.  So then the dog reacts in harmony with its owner and starts attacking this approaching dog.  And it is like this whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing.

How would it work then to not be stressed out as a large dog comes full speed at your dog?  Just breathe.  Not going to worry about it.  Count to ten.  Bark is worse than his bite.  Even though his bite is really going to loosen some cartilage.  Zen moment.  Slow the heartbeat down.  Just keep walking.  Act like nothing is wrong at all.  There he is.  See?  Just sniffing my dog's butt.  Nothing to worry about...

Who does this?  How do you not freak out?

So here I am with my kids and I could just take the approach that the people who let me watch The Shining at age nine took.  No big deal.  Hey kids.  That kid talking to his finger is perfectly normal.  Riding through the hotel on a tricycle all by yourself looks like a lot of fun.  Pay no attention to the guy dressed in the bear costume.

No.  I didn't let my kids watch The Shining!  Are you kidding me?!!!