Man or Mouse. Are These the Only Options?

I will not eat them with a house.
I will not eat them on a mouse.

Aughhh!  Everywhere we look there is a reminder that our house has a mouse in it.  

My wife had a nightmare and screamed out in her sleep.  The next morning she said that she dreamed she saw the mouse only it was the size of a wombat and it lunged at her with big huge teeth and bulging eyes.

We were watching Milificent the other night with the kids downstairs and our little buddy just decided to meander in to see what we were all doing.  He just walked right in.  I think I heard him say in his little mousy voice: "Do you think we could watch Mickey and the Beanstalk instead?"

Naturally, we freaked.  My wife screamed.  The kids jumped.  What an outrage.  After all, Mickey and the Beanstalk is so old and dated.  Still a classic, but when we have Angelina Jolie with wings.  Now that is hot!  So there was no way we were switching movies.

Then, I had the duty to go chase after Nicky Mouse.  But I had to go slow enough to make sure that I did not really see where he went.  After all, what do I do if I actually corner him?  Grab him with my bare hands and squeeze him to death?  Yell to my son to go grab a broom so I can awkwardly swat at him with it?  Trap him in a box so I can feed him to a fox?

But I choose the cowardly way out.  I set traps and hope that the spring mechanism will end his life.  That way, if there is ever some sort of rodent rebellion and I am on trial, I can blame the industrial revolution.  I could say that I was not even sure what the trap would do.  I thought the metal bar might just grab their tail and hold on to him, so that I could find him a new home.  I know it's a stretch.

Actually, a box might not be a bad idea.  Then I could release him into the wild.  He could go out and live in the backyard or find someone else's house to terrorize.  

I wonder if it would be too weird to drive Nicky up to the mountains and then release him up there.  He probably wouldn't fare too well after being domesticated.  He would not have the comfort of stale Goldfish, Top Ramen and Corn Chex anymore.  More than likely, he would be someone else's dinner.  

Wait a minute!  I would be feeding him to a fox.