Scenes from Next Week

I was doing a puzzle last week with some kids. It was a 1,000 piece one with an old Mickey Mouse poster. I am a firm believer in not looking at the box as I do a puzzle. Obviously, when I first buy the puzzle or get it as a present, I see the picture on the front. Now, I suppose I could try and focus my energy on it at that point and remember where everything goes and that would not constitute looking at the box while doing the puzzle.

I am also the type of person who does not want to see the scenes from next week's episode of LOST or 24 or whatever exciting adventure show there is. I don't want to know. I want to experience it all for the first time next week when it happens. It just seems more fun that way. I don't understand why someone wants to know.

Now, I do make an exception when it comes to TV shows which don't really have a story to them. Like, most reality shows, I could care less if I see scenes from next week. That is probably because if I miss it, it will not be the end of the world. In fact, it will probably be a major blessing in my life if I do miss it. Like, I will actually have thought and learning emanating from me instead of drool and stupor.

I know there are some people who have to know everything they are going to get for Christmas in advance. I know some people cannot wait to watch the upcoming Twilight trailer. But doesn't seeing those scenes out of context ruin it somewhat?

I think it is funny that oftentimes DVDs will include the Theatrical Trailer. Does anyone ever watch those? I know we saw them in the theatre, but why would one ever go back and watch the theatrical trailer for Willow or Howard the Duck? Okay. I admit I watched the trailer for Willow. I don't remember ever seeing the trailer for Willow. In fact, I did not see Willow until it came on HBO. And then, I saw it every time it was on.

But, I guess my point on trailers is that they are designed to get people's interest, but they have no intrinsic value to them whatsoever. Somebody please name a good trailer. I don't think anyone can. They are all so worthless and provide nothing good that people are just left with an empty feeling.

Look at the new trailer for Clash of the Titans. What a piece of junk that is going to be. Or is it? The trailer is so bad. It has no perspective. Just a bunch of amazing CG shots. Whoopedee doo! Like, we have not seen that in every other movie that has come out in the last 10 years...

The Dish and the Spoon

As I was reading Hey Diddle Diddle the other night, I decided to interpret it.

Hey Diddle Diddle
The cat and the fiddle.

Diddle represents people. The commonfolk.
The fiddle is an instrument of the devil, so the cat represents Satan calling to the common people with "Hey you! Listen to me!"

The cow jumped over the moon.

A cow is an animal which provides meat and milk and is not known for being able to jump much at all. Jumping over the moon is more like orbiting the moon. So, I think this is a metaphor of Galileo. And, taking the sustenance of the people and allowing it to leave earth to possibly never come back is a major risk.

The little dog laughed
To see such sport

The little dog is the church who rejected Galileo's theories. Because little dogs or puppies are so appealling to people, this had a tremendous effect on the masses.

And the dish ran away with the spoon.

The dish and the spoon represent high society, who never really care about the significance of major events. They are too busy involved with affairs and dining out.

Reality Bit

We watched Reality Bites last night. I guess that was my generation, but hardly my crowd. That does not stop me from identifying with Michael's character (Ben Stiller) though. He has Doctor Zaius on his desk. Why would that not be cool?

As I rooted for Troy (Ethan Hawke) and Lelaina (Winona Ryder) to get together, I found myself asking: Why? Why do I want these two horrible people to be happy? Then again, if they can be happy together, maybe that keeps others from being miserable.

The most redeeming part was seeing Leleina's video chopped up to be funny and commercialized. It was so pretentious and lame to begin with. Why was Michael apologizing to her? He should have just smiled as she walked away. He should have known that no amount of sucking up to her was going to get him anywhere.

Swayze, Quite the Bad-A

Patrick Swayze died today. We have seen him die before. So, it shouldn't be so hard for us to bear. In Point Break he headed out to meet the gigantic surf. In Ghost, he tries to fight off some thief and gets shot? Been awhile on that one. In Red Dawn, he gets aced, but he led the revolt very well.

He was a pretty fun actor. In the Outsiders he made a convincing big brother greaser bad-A. In Roadhouse, he made a convincing bouncer martial arts bad-A. And, of course, Dirty Dancing, he was an immoral dance instructor bad-A.

I suppose he is more like the everyman bad-A in his movies. He had the great mullet. Can't argue with a mullet.

I think I like him best in Roadhouse. It is such a cheesy movie. Totally formulaic, but he has this general appeal when he comes to town. He is friends with the blind guy musician dude. He scores the hot nurse. He meditates while doing his martial arts thing. And, to top it all off, his mentor is Sam Elliot, the biggest bad-A of them all. But most of all, we trust him to take care of things.

He walks into a corrupt town to fix it. That is some serious opposition. Well, really, he was just going for the job. But he gets pulled in to sticking up for the little guy. I liked it when he was training the other bartenders how to keep their cool and battle the drunkards. As one who hardly ever goes to bars, I think this is a very realistic portrayal of a classic Texas roadhouse.

I am sure many people do not like the movie Roadhouse for precisely the same reasons that I like it. Oh well. Opinions vary.

I'll Take Care of This

I just got pulled over by Ryan Phillipe. Fortunately, Peter Stormare was not riding in the passenger seat and I did not have any extra $100 bills hanging out of my wallet. And, although it crossed my mind, I did not lead him on a car chase that would lead us through the closest mall.

I hate that helpless feeling of knowing they are right to pull me over. Why can't I get defensive and tell the cop boy that he should be out there catching the real criminals? Oh, I guess I was breaking the law so I am the real criminal. I hate that expression anyway. Real criminals. They have to start somewhere. And this was a very young kid. It almost looked like I was his first ticket. He was excited!

We live in an area where there are still a lot of farms, so it is really lame to have these 25 mph roads where horses should be galloping instead of cars driving. So, it angers me that a cop set up in someone's pasture and waited for unsuspecting soccer players to go zooming by. Too fast? 42 in the rural west?

One day I will have to fight a ticket. Go into the judge and come up with all these strange and elaborate excuses. I don't think I could ever win though. I don't have the face for it.

a. I am not female.
b. I have that naturally pissed off look that people cannot wait to get angry at.
c. I don't think quick on my feet.

If I could bring in my laptop and type out my responses and have that go straight to the judge in some IVR kind of way, then maybe I could win. Somehow my own non-written voice does not work as well. I wonder if Biden is a good writer.

Man Code

I just watched the Bachelorette The Men Tell All. I am sorry. I promised myself I would not do this, but...

I don't have a good excuse.

I would like to touch on the concept of Man Code as brought up by David. Man Code covers a lot.

1. Do not be a fruit fly.
A fruit fly as defined by a friend many years ago is the not very attractive guy who somehow makes friends with the hot chick and hangs out with her all the time. He has no chance for her, but his pride keeps him from just letting her go. And, he somehow ruins the chances for any other guy by being around ALL THE TIME!!! Good example of this would be Tucker in There's Something About Mary.

2. Act like a guy.
This could cover a lot as well. But, do not cross your legs one knee over the other when sitting. Use your low voice. And, go to the gym once a week.

3. Do not be phony, cheesy, two-faced, and be a friend with your fellow guys. That should be your number one goal. The dating and girlfriends will fall into place if you can be friends first and foremost with your fellow countrymen.

Hopefully, 2 and 3 do not conflict.

So, the Bachelorette has a certain sort of realism to it. I remember being with a group of three other guys going to visit an apartment of cute chicks, where one or two of them was the target. And, it was really funny to see the previous group of four guys leaving. Like a tag team sort of thing.

And, I was kind of just along for the ride. There was so much wrong with the whole situation to begin with. This girl could not be that interesting. I think I remember being in there occupied with a puzzle on the table after we went in. I was notorious for being a social misfit. That was more fun than being a fruit fly.

So, I really identify with the Bachelorette. The tons of guys all vying for the one girl. It is too bad we did not have a camera there so everyone could give their perspective. Okay, that's the part I hate.

The Men Tell All episode hit the nail on the head when they said that the whole idea of the show is contrary to Man Code. It is! Guys that are friends do not compete for the same chick. Well, they do. It happens, but it shouldn't. And so, Man Code is continually violated and it becomes a frenzy of interviews and stupidity.

An interesting show would be a group of friends like 5 guys and 3 chicks. And, you just film them and their interactions. No interviews. No talking to the camera. Just the situation. And, you could call the show Man Code. And review after each episode. The audience could grade the guys on who violated the most policies of Man Code. But there would be no elimination. You just have scores and silly rules, which is really what Man Code is all about.

So That's What Happened to Sitcoms...

As we babysit some of my wife's cousins' kids, we get a good sampling of the tv shows they watch. The three that I have seen so far are: iCarly, Spongebob Squarepants, and Wizards of Waverly Place. Spongebob is, of course, the best. I had seen that before and having done a 5 foot tall pinata of him and one of Patrick as well, I was much more familiar with them.

iCarly is not so bad although it has elements to it that are borderline. She and her friend run a website called iCarly.com. And they get strange requests from people. Like, one viewer wanted her to show her tongue. And, another bit had them doing dancing while eating bananas. I certainly appreciate the creativity and the fun aspect that goes into it, but when dealing with the internet and little girls, it just seems like we see way too many bad examples of this sort of showing off to the world.

iCarly is pretty bad. The acting is mostly lame, but there is some appeal to it. There are a couple of elements which pull you in. She has an older brother who is a sort of guardian for her while her father is in the Navy. Parents are not in the picture, so I can see how that would draw the children viewers in. But, it is totally a cheesy sitcom. They just took the format straight from the eighties and went with it.

The Wizards show was absolutely deplorable. First of all, the characters are all a-holes to each other. I hate that. No one is likable at all. I can see why they left the parents out of the other show. The plot is that this family are all wizards and/or witches and the kids go to school while the parents are home trying to come up with witty rejoinders to continue the madcap zaniness of this totally original plot.

Back when Tina Yothers would make a smart-alec comment on Family Ties, we would let it go, because we knew that Michael J. Fox was there to comfort us. But there is nothing like that with these shows. We have plenty of Tina Yotherses. Sorely lacking in the Michael J. Fox category.

Oh well! At least the kids of today get to experience tv of yesteryear...

Fashion Update

I take a look at the new shorts, the plaid bermudas, and I shrug. I can do this. It is a look I was born for.

But I also have to laugh, because many of the guys with these shorts do not fit the bill. It's a nerdy look. I don't understand how they do not see it. Maybe they think they are going golfing or playing tennis. I suppose if they get a sweater, place it on their back and tie the arms in front of them, they could be mistaken as preppy. But, I am not seeing that.

I am excited to get a pair though...

Can You Go Over This Area Again?

I used to clean carpet. When a customer did not like the way the job was done, we had some pretty good built-in excuses.

"Well yeah, that is the traffic area... I can go over it again if you like." (Notice the excuse followed up by the true sincerity of a non put-out technician)

Or "That line you are getting under your door is called carbon-filtration. The air floats through there and the door acts as a sort of filter along with the carpet and the moisture." (This is a sort of weird phenomenon that we would see in some places, but not all.)

And "It looks like your carpet is polyester, not nylon." (I don't know if it was actually polyester or what. Some carpet just did not have any fluff to it. They would just get these wear-areas that were like nothing on earth. It was tough telling people that their carpet sucked. But it was even tougher to do the whole job again...)

My favourite was this one: "This spot keeps reappearing, because there is soap in your carpet. And, it looks like it has gotten into the padding underneath." (How could I know if it was in the padding unless I yanked up the carpet? We did do repairs, so I could have. That would have been calling my bluff...)

All these excuses equated to one thing. I have just spent an hour here and I do not want to be here anymore...

We would eventually get down there with our spot cleaner and a towel and work like crazy. And, I think that is all they wanted to see, because up to that point all they saw was us doing nothing but going over the carpet with a floor buffer and raking it.

The key to the whole thing was the carpet rake. It looked better than vacuuming. I knew a guy who moved some furniture, spit on the carpet, pronounced it sprayed, raked it and put the furniture right back. The rake fools all.

People always wanted their sofas and stuff moved so we could clean under it. It was never dirty. Sometimes a little dust, which, I guess if you want to pay us to vacuum your carpet, fine!

I remember having a lady sign a waiver once so we could move her tv. I had just taken business law, so I knew that it would not hold up in court, but the boss hung it up on the office wall anyway. Such a proud moment in small business negligence-avoidance.

I am really embarrassed by my behaviour back then. Like the fact that my voice would change depending on who answered the door. The woman got a nice high pitched hello, how are you. The men would get a professional sounding deep voice. I probably would have never noticed this except for the time someone came to the screen and I could not tell if it was a man or woman on the other side. I think I was confused on which voice to use, so I had to come up with a middle ground voice.

I loved seeing how people all across the county lived. Sometimes, it was so disgusting that we had to spend half our time picking up dog, cat, rabbit poop off the carpet before we could start vacuuming. Other times, the people were so rich that we were afraid to touch anything for fear they would sue our company for items more expensive than the whole franchise. Most of the time, people were nice looking upper middle class folk who had the same basic floor plan, same furniture, same off-white berber carpet.

I think next time the guys come out to clean our carpets I will insist they move the sofas...

Come on!

Why would David tell Michael anything in advance? And, why let him do a skit at the picnic? And who won the volleyball game?

Doggie Don't Don't

While I was bringing in piles of dirt on Saturday, my dog, F, got out. I have been really cautious about letting him out, because as far as I can tell, I have no authority over him whatsoever. He will not come when I call his name. He barely even acknowledges me outside the realm of the yard, so I have been dreading this day. He got out and he was gone. He could care less.

At first, I chased after him, pointlessly calling his name. He would go into people's backyards and since I was trying to value their privacy, I would wait. He would not even look at me. So, I thought: Screw it! I have work to do. So what if he roams the streets all day...

I went back to work on the dirt. After about 10 minutes, I looked up to a child crying and being comforted by her father. There was F across the street. Now, I do not think he did anything to hurt the child. (I asked just in case.) But, I did realize that he is quite a large dog. And, despite his good intentions to explore the countryside and lick people, he could be responsible for some inadvertent accidents. And since animals cannot be sued, I took it upon me to start the pursuit again.

It's a good thing I did, because he decided to go across the busier street. And, then into someone else's yard. And then near the horses. Into the gully. Into the field, through the barb wire fence and down the street.

I was angry, impatient and not looking forward to this sort of adventure. At a couple points I ran up hoping to get hold of him, but at the last minute, he would bolt. We kept going like this and he crossed the street again and went onto someone's property. As I looked around, it appeared that no one was home then, so I shut their gate behind me and went after F again.

As he went around the yard, it dawned on him that he was trapped. I could see a couple of possibilities for him, but I was not about to tell him. After a lap around, he looked beaten. He was also tired. He was not used to running that much.

At this point, I had him. And any amount of punishment would suffice. I could tell him what a bad dog he was as I exercise my authority over him. With a dog that big, a simple swat does not do the job.

But I also thought about my predicament. As a father, is this how I would react as my kid misbehaves? Am I going to get angry and tell them how bad they are? Do they have to know that my word is the law and that when they are disobedient, then I am there to crack the whip? I don't know. But I was not going to do that with my dog.

I decided to lay down, call him and make sure I was approachable. When he got close enough I patted his head and then slipped his harness on. I let him know that I was not mad, because at that point, I wasn't anymore. It was actually kind of fun. It helped me take a break from a rigorous day of yard work. We walked back to the house and I was happy about what I had learned. I think F and I were closer too, which seems kind of silly, but maybe we are better friends.

Now, we just need to figure out how to use that friendship to keep him out of the garden boxes...

My Socially Awkward Burden

My reunion is coming up and I have come to discover that two of my very good friends have no desire to go. So, I figured it was my duty to write about it and attempt to convince them (and others) that the reunion is important and should be attended. Okay, maybe not important. It is an event on the circle.

Now, let's go back to what school is. It is a place where one is forced to go as a kid in order to become assimilated into society. As part of that, one gets friends over the course of 3 to 4 years. When one is in grade school, friends are made, but the maturity is not there, so everyone is a friend. But then high school friends are different. The mentality is different. People are a little more accepting. Girls are getting hotter. It is more fun.

Except for the bullies. And the bullies one remembers the rest of their life. And hopefully, they do not show up to the reunion. I think the bullies represent what is horrible about reunions.

So, now fast forward 10, 20, 30, 50, 100 years ahead. The first thing that runs through my mind as the reunion approacheth is the idea that I suck and I have to suddenly make something of my life (or at least appear like I am). But then that makes me angry because I am going back to high school mentality. So I think: I have to conquer this. I need to go to my reunion because ...

And then I have to think of a good reason.

It comes back to the idea of: What would I want my ideal reunion to be like?

I would like to go back to the actual school and have a day (actually, it would have to be 4 days. Wait! With semesters, it would have to be 8 days. Sounds like Navin.) It would be nice to go in each of my classes and take a look around at all of the people who were in my classes. We could all sit in the seats we used to sit in. And, we could spend the day looking around and remembering. That might be a good simulation to set up somewhere online.

That would be so much fun, because I take my experience since high school and relate to the people around me differently. People are very interesting and everyone has something interesting to offer. Did we have that kind of patience in high school? Hell no. I was too busy dressing weird and coming up with strange projects to demonstrate creativity.

What else could we do?

I would like to go somewhere that would not be awkward. I think dressing up and going to a place that is all formal and stuffy reminds me too much of going to church dances as a kid. I understand that the purpose was to dance, have fun and make friends. But, I spent a lot of time not dancing, not having fun and I made only a couple friends. That was a ton of effort with very little profit. What can I say? I survived. I learned how to sit on the stage and stare at hot girls.

I want to do something that would actually be fun. Some sort of activity where we all get together and throw paint all over each other. Actually, that would be a little awkward. Maybe have a bunch of chess boards set up or some RockBand. Let's do something where we can see the talents people have. How about one gigantic talent show? A week long event. If you have no talents, you could figure something out in a week.

I don't want to not remember people. I don't want to be trolling around trying to look at who people are and feeling like I didn't get to everybody I wanted to. But then again I do that all the time. Every party I go to I come away thinking: Why didn't I talk more to those people? That would have been interesting.

This is not very convincing to my friends who I hoped would show up to this event to ease my burden. My socially awkward burden...

Doodie!!!

I did not really grow up going to a public pool. We went to my Grandparents' house. They had a pool and a trampoline and a big yard with old beat up cars in it. They had olive trees and 7-Eleven was across the street. The baseball park was next door. We only had to share the pool with a couple other kids. And many times we had friends come over. So, we were really spoiled.

So, the idea of a public pool is a little foreign to me. The most public I got was going to the beach. If we had to go to the bathroom, we were told to go out in the water. You can't really do that in a public pool. Of course, lots of kids were doing it last year. So much so that they had to close many of them down to clean it all out and keep everyone from getting sick.

I can still see that a public pool is fun and I will make the best of it for my little family, but boy! There is nothing like that memory of having a pool to go to all summer long. I can still picture it. Its size. Its shape. I had to clean it in later years. But it was a great swimming pool. That was a great house. I could go on and on about that place. Maybe I will dream about it tonight.

Experts and Excuses

Have you ever been really good at something and someone else comes along who purports to be really good as well? And then, when you see them do the action of what it is, they make excuses for why they are not better at it. They seem to feel that if the sun was not in their eyes, or if the grass was not so wet, or the controller was not so stiff then they could easily match your skills. But they do not or they cannot and it is obvious to both of you. What do you say?

I suppose I have been on both ends of this situation. I think the best people in the world make excuses for their shortcomings. But why? Why do we feel it is so necessary? It only makes us look bad.

A few years ago, we had a work party and towards the end of it, the host brought out the Scene-It DVD game. The assumption was that I would smoke everyone because I am the movie trivia guru/dork. I was excited to play. I did not tell everyone I was going to lose or that everyone had just as good a chance. I had never played before. Excuse number one. The trivia portion is just one aspect of the game too. Excuse number two. And, I am not a quick thinker. Number 3.

Our team did not win. I suppose it was my fault. I guess I let a lot of people down. Well, not a lot. But, it was still my opportunity to shine. I feel like I have since redeemed myself at another scene-it dvd gathering. This time I went head to head with my rival, P, who is a well-spring of useless movie trivia as well. His excuse was that he had not seen Backdraft in a long time. I can't fault him for making that excuse. I had just seen it and did a blog entry on it a month previous, so it was fresh in my mind.

I guess we make excuses because we want people to esteem us higher than the situation is giving us. We see ourselves failing when we know we have succeeded before. This goes back to people not knowing us and only getting a brief glimpse at the real us. But why do we care? Shouldn't we know ourselves well enough that we do not have to prove anything to anyone?

Then again, the situation does not care. The situation dictates to us what it will and we have to deal with that. I came up short and this is as good as I am at this particular moment. If only we could be that humble...

Disneyland Delivers

After going through an anti-Disneyland phase, since I went so much as a kid, I discovered that I like it once again. Maybe it was because we went in January and the crowds were so minimal. Maybe it was because my wife loves it there and I was happy to make her happy. Maybe it was because Tigger was so friendly and insisted I get my picture with him. Or maybe it was just because Space Mountain kicks A and is still the coolest ride on the planet...

We had a great time and my wife kicked my butt on both the Toy Story themed interactive rides. I can't understand why I suck so bad. I know that my aim is off because of being the shakiest gun in the west. I will just blame it on that. Excuses...

Haunted Mansion was closed and Pirates of the Caribbean was still good despite there being too many Jack Sparrow references. I say keep Jack Sparrow out of it. The movies were based on the ride. That is the order of things.

California Adventure was fun too. I got my butt kicked on California Screamin' but it was well worth it. Their rapids ride was closed. And, Soarin' Over California broke down when it was over. The cage on our left did not come all the way down so they were stuck there indefinitely. Well, as far as we knew. I am not sure what to think of California Adventure. It has some really cool stuff, but it is almost like they ran out of ideas, so they just threw in more Disney stuff.

We did miss out on Matterhorn and Tower of Terror. Also, Star Tours. I now realize that it has become a multiple day adventure and we need to spend a lot more money to get the full experience out of it. I hate that part of it. When it comes to the expense, I would rather spend a tenth of the amount and go hike Mount Whitney. That is a true California adventure...

Snow Is a Winner

Snow has a way of beating me. It snows. I shovel. It snows again. I shovel again. Then, it snows a third time and somehow, I am busy, so I do not get to it. Then, we drive over it. And it is all over. Snow has won.

My intention at the beginning is to keep up. I watch for the snow and brave it at all hours. I found myself shovelling while it was still snowing one day. We even had neighbors help out, but the snow just keeps coming. It has to win.

And, of course, we used up all of our rock salt right away. So there the snow is piling up on our porch. Then, it melts and later freezes back up. Snow is such a baby. if it does not win, it cries more snow.

It's White

I am no longer dreaming of a white Christmas. It is here in all its fluffy glory. Snow. Everywhere. It was here already, so we did not have to worry too much. The roads were getting that brownish snow look, which is kind of gross, but other than that, it has been pretty cool.

I grew up where the snow did not ever come. Something about climate. It hardly ever rains there, so why would it snow? So, it is neat to see it and be a part of it.

I am somewhat fascinated by the idea of being able to handle harsh climates. Not that this is a harsh climate, but where I am from, everything is harsh. If one cannot wear shorts every day of the year, it is harsh. The concept of having to go out and shovel a driveway. Or learning to drive in snow. These are the things that a wild imagination thrives on.

Retro Movie Critic - Backdraft Hairdo

Last night, I stayed up until 3:30am watching a movie I really needed to see. Actually, I probably did not need to see it. I have seen it before and it was not that good the first time. But, there was a certain fascination with it since it is a firefighter movie which has a lot of good actors in it. It also has that quality to it where even though I have watched it from beginning to end it still feels like I have missed part of it, or at least some significant scenes.


The movie is Backdraft. I think its problem is its main character. Brian, played by William Baldwin, basically sucks. It is his hair. There are scenes where his hair is assuming Kevin Bacon quality, but he does not have Kevin Bacon coolness. I assume that it is why we have not seen Billy Baldwin in too much lately. Other people were not impressed by his hair either.

Kurt Russell plays Brian's older brother, Steven. I am okay with the name Steve, but having the name "Steven" drummed into my head over and over again is a little maddening.

The movie is really about Steven, nicknamed Bull. He is the only one we care about. There is this sibling rivalry thing going on and we see the heroic nature of Steven going on. It is not hard to take his side as he is trying to impress upon Brian what it takes to be a firefighter.

But Brian is the everyman. He represents all of us, the guys who try hard but just do not get it. And that is sad, because there are probably very few actual Stevens out there, but we have a whole host of Brians. We see him give up and go work for Deniro and that is the weakness that Steven expected out of him. I do not know for sure, but I would guess that being a firefighter is more about picking one's self up and working at it continually, because it is such a difficult job.

Donald Sutherland is sort of a surprise character in this. He is a great actor and his scenes are among the best in the movie. Robert Deniro is close behind him. JT Walsh was good too, but he is such a love to hate type character. Jennifer Jason Leigh was forgettable. She has had good roles, but she is so obviously not a blonde in this and the chemistry between her and Baldwin is like watching two kids squirt each other with squirt guns from 5 feet away from each other.

The only other painful part of it was Rebecca DeMornay who played Steven's separated wife. She represents the everywoman, the wife of the firefighter, who cannot deal with the fact that her husband is putting his life on the line all the time, so she kicks him out of the house. And, they have a little boy as well who has to deal with his Mother's weakness all the time. I realize that there are women out there who are really like this, but do we have to see it in one of the only firefighter movies that is out there? I want to see heroes and heroines.

Sometimes, I wonder about Ron Howard. It is almost like he has no personal style to his movies, other than making sure his brother is in all his movies. One day, we will say that something is very Howardian, which will be a slam because as far as I can tell, Ron Howard goes straight from the script. There is no deviation from anything. It is just a predictable movie with standard, normal characters. I guess it works for our society.

I really do feel bad ripping on Ron Howard. I liked Splash and Willow and a couple other ones, but even those ones have that Howardian feel to it, like we are getting exactly what we paid for, no more, no less...

Lunch

I left my jacket in the car and walked in with my friends. It was a pleasant restaurant. It had that cheesy fake wood paneling along the walls, with various pieces of flair adorning the open spots. There was an extension cord sticking out of the side of the bar indicating that there was no intention by the owner to actually make any aspect of the place look professional. Good! I thought. That is how I want my steak sandwich. I want the focus put on that. Who cares if there is fake brick paneling not meeting up at the breaks? Who cares if the open sign has not lit up in half a century or that there was a plant hanging from a hook which was looking less and less hook like?

It was cold in there. I wished I had my jacket. I couldn't get up to get it since I did not drive and we were packed into our seats like the clothes in the dryers at the laundromat next door. We waited forever watching M gulp down his butterscotch milkshake, wishing we had gotten one too. But then the conflict of cold and the stomach problems.

The conversation ebbed and flowed. B had only smart-ass answers. L was not his usual start up the controversy self. Something must have been on his mind. Even M had less to say than usual. J was not impressed with his sandwich, longing for the replica from the Italian Place. Mc responded to the Real Salt Lake game conversation, or was that earlier in the day? And D. What did D say? Was he in character? I tried to draw out S with the stupidly sarcastic: "That's weird! S has been unusually quiet today."

By and by we left but not before seeing the Chargers/Steelers highlight over and over. A blown ref call did not hurt the Steelers, nor help the Chargers, but it did make Vegas a little happier.

The food was good. Well, not good. Just good. Mostly good. Call it good.

So hipp

So I found a new way to waste my time... Facebook! Actually, I got pressured into it by my peers. B and S (in that order) made fun of me for not being with it and having a facebook account. Then, they mocked me for writing in a blog.

This is what I have to say to all you out there who have to have the latest and greatest everything. You don't.

You don't have the latest and greatest. You bought something that went out of style five minutes after you bought it. You downloaded something that was out of date before it finished downloading. You are constantly swimming upstream not enjoying the nice, old canoe you are towing with a rope.

I know my tv is outdated. So is my computer. Our truck and car. Our dvd player. And our dvd's. My wallet is outdated. My iphone is outdated. I read from books and I keep my receipts. I have not bought a new cd in over a year.

So, here I lament writing in my blog, feeling so out of touch and behind the times. Ha! I feel vindicated writing in here, because when it comes right down to it, this is where I express myself. Oh, that I had an old fashioned typewriter and could pound on the keys in my loud house.

Reflections On a Beautiful Fall Day

While I was waiting for the traffic to clear after the game, I saw this old man walking. He startled me because he walked right past the truck. It looked as if he was doing a lap around the church. I thought a little bit about what he was doing. It was a nice day today, but I would imagine this man goes for a walk every day. He struck me as a possible widower who was trying to occupy his day.

It is very interesting to think about the various cycles we are going through in our lives. We are hit with periods where we seemingly have lots of extra time. Unfortunately, those are usually lonely times. I suppose once we start sharing our lives, time shared becomes extremely busy time. I love having that sort of purpose, but in reflecting on this old man, I wonder if he misses out on the days of lots of activity.

Like the old man, I would do walks in very social areas. I would just want to be out, taking in the world, being a part of what was going on. At the end of A River Runs Through It, the narrator is fishing by himself, knowing that most of his family is gone. I think despite the sadness of that, the idea of him fishing is a very positive image.

The elderly are still such a valuable part of our society. They may be retired, but do they want to be? I know their bones creak and they cannot do all that they once did, but they still like eating pizza, don't they?

Graveyard Guess 2008

The rules are simple:
a. Submit your guesses without looking them up. You can do that after.
b. The people have to have died within the last year. Halloween 2007 to Halloween 2008

1. 
   
   


2. 
   
   


3. 
   
   


4. 
   
   


5. 
   
   


6. 
   
   


7. 
   
   


8. 
   
   


9. 
   
   


10. 
    
    

No Windows... And No Doors...

Halloween approacheth.
For me, Halloween has so many applications. It is such a creative holiday.

Let's create a haunted house, path, trail, etc. Let's figure out the best way to make people feel uncomfortable. Scare them. What is scary?

+ Well, death is scary.
- Okay, so let's put it in a graveyard.
+ But those people have already died. What about making it in a dark place?
- Are there going to be chicks there?
+ I hope so. We have to have screams.
- How about having severed heads on the ground talking to people as they walk by?
+ Or, we could have arms holding candles in the hallway.
- What about having them walk through a certain section bare foot and there could be eyeballs on the ground?
+ Well, chainsaws usually scare people.
- Yeah, chainsaws are scary, but so is any loud sound. A loud air conditioner can be scary.

Then again, aren't haunted houses just representing the kind of places that young girls should not be going to? Yeah, my 16 year old daughter went with her "boyfriend" to this house where a few friends were supposed to be. The house has no electricity and supposedly someone died there. Also, an escaped mental patient is in the area. She should be fine though because she is with her "boyfriend" who has been a perfect gentleman and has no thoughts of sex or anything like that.

All we are doing with a haunted house is playing on our basic fears. We hate darkness. We hate death. We hate psychos. We hate clowns. We hate strobe lights. There! We covered it. We have our haunted house.

The Money Changers

My friend referred this video to me on youtube. It is called the Money Masters. It was in three sections of seven parts each and it was pretty cool, but they took it off youtube for some reason. It was obviously very conspiratorial and some of the history was a little bit of a stretch, but in one of the scenes, they mentioned the Rothchilds. And, I kept thinking: Where have I heard that name in relation to the wealthiest people in the world?

So I Married an Axe Murderer of course.

Anyway, the argument of the Money Masters is that the money changers have been using their influence over the years to make sure to have national banks, which are really private banks. There is no real control over them either. They are able to determine wealth and they keep everyone owing to them. And society has no chance whatsoever against them. Countries go to war and these people remain in power. Wars are fought for their own gain.

And, so I sit here and think: What good is this to me? Does this cause me to shun everything? I refuse to use their money. I refuse to go to war. I refuse to take any type of political stance. I refuse to work for them. I refuse to use their cars, their roads, their tvs, their microwaves. When does it end?

Maybe it is true. Maybe they control everything. I do not think it is very practical to be very concerned about it. It is interesting though. I like the idea of having information regarding these groups of people. History is a terribly important subject. And, it is so vital that as we study history we look at many angles, trying to seek out truth. From a historical perspective, this is very interesting stuff. These are the kinds of conspiracies that make history fun, but not necessarily very accurate.

Some Thoughts on the Election

I feel weird talking politics on my blog. Partly because I do not know anything. And partly because most people who do know something still look like they know nothing. People throw out stuff that seems like a good point, but then they have no actual information to back it up. It just sounds like a good point.

One such point was the idea that large companies should pay higher taxes because of shared resources. The example my friend gave was roads. Since a company would have more vehicles using those roads and would be making more money from the use of those roads than the common man, they should have to pay more taxes. Some of the things left out of this argument were actual numbers. Are there taxes being applied to businesses who use these roads excessively? I know that my Grandfather, who had a trucking business, paid a ton of taxes in California. And, I know that he did not make very much money. Are the two related? I don't have the actual numbers though.

So, I do not understand how people can argue for points when they do not have facts. Speculation seems like the best they can do. And, of course, this brings us to the debates. I really do not understand the debate process. Why are we watching these things? I know what the candidate stands for. Is it all about the show? They do not seem to have their facts straight either. The Palin-Biden debate was interesting. She never answered any questions and Biden repeated a bunch of stuff. And then, some debate expert has to come along and say: It was a draw!

Isn't every debate a draw really?

When a person is being a huge jerk and gets angry and throws a tantrum, the winner is the other person, right? Person B expressed himself better. Person A had no composure. Person A had more facts, but apparently could not handle being referred to as someone who just doesn't get it. So, even though Person B resorted to name-calling, Person A is the one who deserves to lose.

Another funny thing happened recently. A McCain supporter railed against Obama and McCain came out in defense of Obama, saying that Obama would make a fine president. McCain is running for president, right? He does believe that he would make the best president, does he not? If McCain and Obama are really not much different, why is McCain in there? People have sunk millions of dollars into this candidate and he gets out there and tells his supporters that his competition will be a fine president? I understand that McCain wants to be fair and to give credit to Obama, but there would seem to be a lot at stake here. That does not sound like someone who thinks his ideas are all that great. That does not sound like someone who feels he has to be in there for the country to be where it needs to be. It does not sound like McCain is a leader.

I know that the candidates are doing their best to distance themselves from Bush. I hate that the country hates Bush so much. We elected him. We knew who he was after four years. It is not like we had no idea where he was coming from. We put him in office. Are we going to elect McCain and gripe about him for the next four years?

Almost Half a Year

Our roommate has been with us almost six months now. It is pretty fun to come home and talk with him. He smiles and laughs a ton. It is nice to have that in a roommate. I have had some who I would just dread coming home to. What do they have to complain about now? D is not like that. He makes us feel like we are the best. And what more could one ask from a roommate?

We took him up the canyon last weekend to see the fall colours. He slept through it though. He had a really tough week. I think his boss has been a little hard on him. There is this expectation for him to perform at top efficiency according to very rigid schedules. He can't keep his food down and he is starting to lose his hair. I know that he works in a high stress environment, but he gets paid well. We support him in his efforts. It is inspiring to see someone keep up the fight.

On Saturday, he participated in the Walk for Diabetes with us. I appreciated him coming along, because I know that he has plenty of other options. He has friends everywhere we go. He has that ability to make friends too. It is weird how people are so taken in by just a smile and a handshake. He does not have diabetes himself, but he really cares about those who do. I have heard him say the nicest things about those with the dreaded disease, going to the extent of thanking them for things they have done for him. Sometimes, I marvel at his ability to see into the hearts of people and not worry about the other extraneous things.

D's grandfather came to visit and the two of them were great to see together. D just laughed and laughed as if his grandfather was the funniest guy. He was funny, but D was in stitches. I love my grandparents, but it is rare to really have a good laugh when they are telling me stories. I look at this as yet another example of how D lives in the moment...

D is a great guy. We are really lucky to have such a fantastic roommate.

Some Pretty Groovy Tunes

A co-worker had never heard of The Stone Roses. I had to introduce him to them this week. I brought in a few of my Brit Pop cd's. Suede, The Verve, Ride, Blur.

My friend, J, used to bring me cd's all the time. "Here! Listen to this!" Fortunately, it was all great music including those listed above. J was the one who clued me into the coolness of Brian Eno. Eno produced my favourite U2 cd's. Also, a couple James. Something about Eno's style just rang true to me.

I feel bad, because my music listening has totally come to a screeching halt. I listen to tons of talk radio these days. I switch it over on the commercials, but I rarely listen to anything new.

And that is a problem, because there is always new, good stuff coming out. Unfortunately, J does not come over all the time anymore and drop off cd's to listen to. I bet he would if he only lived a little closer. Maybe he can mail me some.

J! If you can hear me, mail me some new Brit Pop! (No Keane or Coldplay though. I hear plenty of them...)

Fame! I Want to Live Forever!

I don't have any, so I feel like I can talk about fame objectively. People who are famous have a tremendous burden. Or burdens. The main one is the fact that people everywhere love them for nothing that they have done for anyone but themselves.

One guy wrote a song about a girl and it got picked up on the radio. One girl wrote some songs about a guy and it made her millions. An actor got a break and starred in a movie with a theme that grossed people out. A politician said some things that a lot of people agreed with. A girl wrote a book about her experiences living with the polar bears in Alaska. The list goes on and on, but the one thing that most of them never counted on was how screwed up they would become because of the fame.

Imagine that you were so well known that when you went to Disneyland, you felt like you were as famous as Mickey Mouse. Everyone came up to you and wanted to take your picture, sign an autograph, buy you lunch, shake your hand, get your views on world domination, etc. It would be such a burden. Even if you were good with people, it would be such a hassle for the people around you, the ones that love you.

Most of these famous people do not have the proper training in being famous. Rock musicians seem to be the worst. Theirs becomes a world of partying and drug use and unlimited groupies. They really should have classes that they take in college. Fame 101. Family and Fame 201. Ego 309. With all that these people deal with, there should be a training course.

As one who is not famous, I feel for the common people who go nuts when they see a famous person. Like the time I saw Steve Young at the grocery store. I was a blithering idiot. So what! It's Steve Young. He beat the Chargers in the Super Bowl. I hate him for that. Well, not really. But I should.

What it comes down to is that the term celebrity has to go away. We need a movement in our world which is a twofold process. Celebrities need to chill out. And, the common people need to chill out. I guarantee you that Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Jon Voight are really not that interesting. Madonna is probably very silly when it comes down to it.

Here is what should happen: I am hanging out at Disneyland and suddenly I see Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker and their family on the Jungle Cruise. I am not going to stare. I will recognize them in my mind. I will not point them out to my wife. She will not point them out to me. I am not going to say anything to them, because I would not say anything to a guy and his wife and their kids going on the Jungle Cruise. I suppose I could comment on the weather. I know it would be hard to not say something like: "Do you want to play a game?" in my WOPR voice or start humming "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", but I would have to refrain.

Why not just treat them like everyone else? Isn't this a major problem that we have in our society? The paparazzi is in people's faces constantly. Why? Oh, that's right! Because we can't get enough of what is going on in these stars' lives. Did I really need to know that Screech was in porno movies? Or that the dad in ALF is now a homosexual meth user?

If I end up making a big deal out of the situation, then I perpetuate the ego problem. These people are just dealing with incredibly inflated egos, all of which are based on the awe that people have of someone famous. So, if we take the awe out, then the ego gets lessened more and maybe we will not see as many articles on scantily clad female teenage singers.

You may ask: Well, why can't I get their autograph? Why can't I shake their hand? Why can't I tell them how much they mean to me?

My opinion on these questions is that they cannot reciprocate to you the same type of respect or adoration, because they have no idea what you have done. You may have invented time travel, but if they do not know you, then the love is only expressed in one direction. I think we are doing more damage to them by showering them with more praise. They probably get so much praise already from so many people, it stops meaning anything to them. I don't know about anyone else, but I want my praise to mean something to them.

I think the best form of praise we can give those who are famous entertainers is to buy tickets to their movies. Buy tickets to concerts. Buy CDs. Buy books. Support what they do. But, quit giving them something that frankly they do not deserve, nor do they really want (in the long run)

Stop making them out to be more than they are.

Outwit Outlast Take It Out

My wife and I play this game. It is kind of like Survivor, only instead of trying to be the longest one to last on the island, we are battling it out to be the longest one to last without emptying the bathroom trash. It is pretty competitive. It can stack up pretty high and because it is situated in the corner sort of wedged in between the sink cabinet and the toilet, more stuff can pile up.

I seem to remember this as being a very similar war with roommates. Little did I ever think it would continue. I remember seeing guys in one apartment who bought a gigantic outside-style garbage can. That seemed like a pretty good idea. I guess the only issue was that they did not have a lid.

My wife and I are not trying to be disgusting. If I am out in the kitchen and I see a full trash can in the pantry, no problem.

I think it comes down to this. The only time I see that trash can in the bathroom is when I am naked. And that is not the best time to go prancing around the house. That is definitely not good naked. When I am just getting out of the shower, my hands are clean. I don't want to get floss and tissues and cotton balls all over my hands (and who knows what else?) as I tie it up and take it out.

Really, it just comes down to what is in my line of vision and when. I think this probably goes for my wife too. I want to take out the trash in all the trash cans. I also want to clean all the bathrooms and pull weeds in the yard. It would be nice to dust more often and take the dog for more walks. But, let's be reasonable. We can't do everything we want...

Pedro Gabriel

I found this clip on YouTube and it makes me uncomfortable to watch it. I do, however, like the song. Do others feel uncomfortable watching this? I have always felt uncomfortable listening to Peter Gabriel's voice. It bothers me. It shouldn't. It's not a bad voice. It is quite distinct. (Well, mostly distinct. Phil Collins sounds a lot like him.)

Perhaps it is his white utility belt. My friend says he is dressed kind of like Han Solo. I doubt that was his intention. Then again, what do I know about Peter Gabriel? Thankfully, not very much. I think there should be a rule about how much space Peter Gabriel gets on a stage to run around. I suppose Bono has quite a big loop to use. At least he doesn't skip. Or did he? He would probably have to in order to get back in time...

I decided to listen to some Peter Gabriel songs that I have been listening to for years. Let me clarify. I have been hearing for years. The radio was on. I couldn't get to the tuner fast enough to change the channel. I don't know what it is. The association with Genesis? Is it the lyrics?

Your eyes. The light. The heat.
Your eyes. the lambs all bleat.
Your eyes. In your eyes!

Games without frontiers
War without tears
James without lump ears
Sore without beers

Big time. I have got to watch it grow.
Big time. So much larger than life.
Big time. I've got to hatch it blow.
Big time. So much smaller than knife.

I mean, what does this stuff mean?

With a lot of music, I try to give it its first shot with me. Like, even though I have heard it played on the radio constantly, I still want to go and listen to it without the repetition and try to soak it in. I don't think Peter Gabriel is getting past the initial shame phase though. Whether it is fair or not, I just don't think I can do it. I am not sure I see the value in it.

The Horror... The Horror

I realize that, statistically, flying is very safe. And, aside from the uncomfortability factor of it all, it is a pretty fast way to get places.

One thing that a lot of people do not talk about though is the horror of crashing. Sure they mention the aftermath, but what about the whole notion of right before the crash? A plane full of people who know they are going to die. I think that could be a good play or movie. The many perspectives on the horror of the pre-crash.

What would that be like? Hopefully, I never find out, but to me that seems like the worst part. The actual crash would be quite instantaneous. But the seconds leading up to that...

I wonder if this is one of those things people are not supposed to talk about. Like loneliness. People never talk about being lonely, because the person who hears the lonely lament has to respond by being the person who is going to save the lonely person. This is totally ridiculous. I think people should be able to talk about loneliness. It is a rather fascinating subject.

In fact, I think it is more fascinating than the horror before a plane crash.

Decisions

An adult has to make decisions, or so I hear. Part of being an adult is making decisions and dealing with the consequences. It is kind of a hassle, because sometimes one makes the right decisions. Sometimes...

The problem is that others have to deal with one's decisions. If it was just the one person dealing with them, then he could just slap on the LOSER shirt and be done with it. But, when others have to suffer along with that person's misguidance, there just aren't enough shirts to go around.

The one I get slapped with the most is staying up late at night. I love to stay up late. There is something about being up past the point at which one "should" go to bed. I suppose it is a childish thing, but it feels like freedom. But the next morning as I sleep in, because I am definitely not losing sleep, there goes most of the day...

It is tough to argue that one, because I am wasting the day. But who wants to get up early in the morning and mow the lawn? I know my neighbors don't want me to...

But the really incredible part of decisions is that one makes so many in one day. And there are little consequences the whole day. Like, I turned on the radio this morning on the way to work, but I wanted to think, so I turned it off. But then, as I was driving, I went about 3 miles before realizing that I was spacing out. So, I needed to pay attention. So, I turned the radio back on. Or did I?

Stupid TV

We just went through the cycle again. Not the washing machine, nor the Lion King symbiotic thing, but the stupid cycle of tv service. We went from Dish to Comcast. And, it is all Dish's fault. Well, sort of.

I have had a few different services over the years. I have had Comcast a few times. And, I hate the fact that they do not want me as a customer. They only want me as a new customer. They want me to switch from something else to them. But, as far as retention goes, they could care less about that. How does that work?

I would think a company would want good, satisfied customers. But no. I vowed that I would never go back to them. That would have stayed had it not been for Dish. They come in with their ten month deal, but then after that, they jump all their prices up. So, Dish is no better than Comcast. I have not had DirecTV yet, but I am sure they are just as bad.

I just want a consistent price. I don't want to have to adjust my budget constantly to meet whatever happens to be the offer currently.

I cannot believe how much we pay for TV anyway. For something that just wastes our time, why do we pay so much for it? It is this filler that we feel like we cannot do without. But wait! If I didn't spend time watching tv shows, I could:
1. Write more blog entries
2. Exercise
3. Spend more time with my family
4. Play a game.
5. Learn a new sport.
6. Read a book
7. Take a nap
8. Make a complex meal
9. Start a business
10. Do some yoga.
11. Draw
12. Clean my house
13. Pace
14. Brush my teeth.
15. Brush my hair
16. Make a pinata
17. Write a story.
18. Make up jokes
19. Drink some water
20. Dig a well.
21. Mow the lawn.
22. Do a crossword puzzle.
23. Wash the cars.

And oh, so much more.

The Password is...."password"

Technology is upon us. I think I just entered my 100th unique password. What am I doing? What are we doing? All of these sites which require a username and password... It does not really seem all that secure. Apparently, somebody knows. And how do we determine which ones we can really trust?

The news talks about bank accounts getting compromised, identities being stolen, people's personal information being found in the trash, etc. We rely upon this concept of a business being honest and forthright because otherwise they would go out of business. But what if they do not care? What if they just go bankrupt and disappear as an entity? Meanwhile, they have credit card information for thousands of customers.

Sure this is the talk of the paranoid individual who watches too many episodes of CSI and Numbers. However, the concept of big brother as identified in the book 1984 is not too far off here. We have a government which continually seeks more control. (Sorry! That is just what governments do...) But, what better way to have everyone's information than on the Internet? And, it becomes so easily searchable too. Just googling my own name is surprising.

My friend was talking about facial recognition software, which is such an awesome thing, but what is that going to be used for? Well, in CSI, they are able to track down criminals. What if I look exactly like a guy wanted for murder and all they have is a video of the guy leaving a house? No fingerprints or nothing. And my alibi is that I was sitting home alone watching tv that night...

I am not sure that any of this has any credence at all, but we have to ask questions. The problem we have is that change is so abrupt now that we can hardly keep track of what is going on.

We can order all these things on the Internet and all it requires is a credit card number. That freaks me out. My credit card is in fifty different places. Is that smart? The one thing I look for when ordering something on the internet is for the url to change from "http" to "https". That is a sign of security. Somebody is paying extra money to make people feel more secure with their cards.

I am sure that once people have their identity compromised, they are really careful. But others need to be careful too. There is way too much at stake.

So here is my list of questions that I need to do. How many different websites do I have usernames/passwords with? How much information do they each have about me? Is there a more secure account that I could create, so that they do not have to access my credit card(s)? Who has my social security number? Why do they have it? Do any of my usernames use my social security number? Do any of my usernames/passwords have any vital information about me out there? Do I give personal information about myself in chat rooms, on websites or on blogs?

To Kzzzzzzzzzzk From Wdddddddddw

I have infiltrated the man person's computer and I am sending a message back to my people on the planet of Kzzzzk, colony bzzzb. If you are listening, then please do a comment using W's account.

So far, all is well. They do not suspect a thing. As far as they know, I am a sweet little 90 kip old baby. It is really tough to get away. They keep a watch on me all the time. And getting out of their crib contraption is really tricky. I figured out there has to be a pin in there to keep it still. I got a good enough angle tonight to shoot some invisible sleep darts at them, so they should be out for hours. I started sleeping through the night anyway, so they most likely won't wake up.

As far as what to report, they really seem to care about me a lot. The man one tells me all about his dreams for me to be a great volleyball star one day. Doesn't he know that there is no money in that? I will placate him if that is how long my assignment lasts for. I really do not want to draw any attention to myself anyway. It already feels like I have too much.

The woman one, the one that calls herself monny or nommy or malmy is constantly feeding me. Sometimes she wakes me up when I am in the middle of a good sleep just to shove the pointy thing in my mouth. It tastes pretty good, so I rarely complain. They had to clip my tongue though early on because I couldn't pull the pointy thing far enough back. I guess they insist on gagging me with it.

They spend a lot of time looking at me and standing me up, letting me sit, putting me on my stomach. I play along with them, because it works better for the undercover work. If they could see me right now typing 90 words per minute, I think they would revisit their whole approach.

I have not given them much of a personality yet. I just mostly try to look cute. I smile at them sometimes, because they really do make me laugh. The man one sings the stupidest songs. I keep hoping that he will come up with new words instead of the same dumb ones over and over again. He does change the tune at least, but he is so offkey. When will it stop?

The only time I give a real straight face is when they change my diaper. I know I need to get better at my poker face, but I get so nervous that they will see under all the makeup. All he has to do is flick the switch down there and it is all over. They will suddenly be looking at something that is not too familiar at all.

Well, that is all for now. This couple is pretty normal. I should be able to lay low here for years. The planet is pretty silly. It's an election year and the two candidates are just like Grick and Popkin back in Silbia. You know what a disaster that was...

Clearing Out the DVR

Well, all the silly shows on my DVR are finally getting watched and deleted. It started with The Office and LOST. Once A watched those with me, I was able to start systematically knocking the others off.

CSI
CSI Miami
Law and Order SVU
Numb3rs
Scrubs

I still have Earl episodes, but those may take awhile. I have old Get Smart episodes which take precedence I think. They are much funnier.

The sad thing is that it all starts again in the fall. And, they left me with all these stupid cliffhangers. Do I really care if Warrick is done with the show? Or Adam Beach? Do I really think that Charlie will never work on another FBI case? Or will Horatio survive the gunshot wounds deployed by a gun which is so lethal, it detects the body's temperature and decides to be shrapnel or not when it enters?

Scrubs did not really leave with a cliffhanger. It was more like: This is not the season finale. This was a lame filler episode that was not going to be used, but since ABC is taking over, they decided to scrub away.

The Office had a good cliffhanger. A major downer cliffhanger. But it was in true Office fashion.

And, with LOST, I don't know what to think. As usual.

In Memoriam: George Carlin

One of the greats died yesterday. George Carlin. I say great, because he has been an icon for me for most of my life. And, there have been George Carlin quotes lingering for years. How could I go on a trip to Hawaii without thinking about bringing some of "my stuff"?

The news articles talk about how he was famous for the seven dirty words, but that was not what I remember him for. He was crude and crass and offensive, but I liked how he could challenge things. He did not seem to stand for anything, but comedy. He took potshots at most everything. And, even if I did not agree with him, it was a lesson in thought. I think about his delivery and how he could just list things off. It was as if he memorized stuff, but it was really how his mind worked.

He ripped on Baby on Board signs, euphemisms, and white guys wearing their baseball caps backwards. Golf courses, golf, cemeteries, stupid sayings, the three questions at the airport, the smug greedy people of the world, people who are namby-pamby. People suddenly carrying their water around with them all the time. "Can't they take a drink of water before leaving the house?"

As someone who grew up observing the strange behaviour of people all over the place and writing it down in my notebook, I liked seeing someone who could verbalize it so well. Sometimes, the arguments aren't even rational, but I enjoy it. I agreed. While I did have to filter through the obscenities to get the great insights, I came away with "I'm not handicapped. I'm handicapable!" or "Toilet paper became running shoes. Partly cloudy became partly sunny. The dump became the landfill."

And, he is so right about this euphemistic crap out there. People constantly come up with terms to soften things up. It's the politically correct stuff that gets so old.

He definitely spiced things up with his obscenity, so I can't really recommend anyone to watch or listen to his stuff, but he did have a very fun, challenging, unique perspective that made one think.

Drama

When being dramatic there are certain rules one has to follow:

1. Make sure that no one else in the vicinity will upstage you in dramatic effort.
2. Emphasize every little action.
3. Sit uncomfortably and make lots of sighs.
4. Make the nausea face when something smells bad or you think it might smell bad.
5. Roll your eyes and make sure everyone else sees it.
6. Be offended at the slightest provocation.
7. If you find yourself to be embarrassed after a dramatic outburst, apologize. But don't ever change anything. Be more embarrassing next time.
8. When being dramatic, don't laugh at yourself. Take yourself very seriously.
9. Pretentiousness is the foundation of drama city.
10. If someone else has entered the room and is being more dramatic than you are, say "I know!" after everything she says. She will figure it out.
11. Drama is all about acting the part. Make sure that everyone knows you truly believe what you are being dramatic about even though you don't.
12. Call someone. Hang up on him. Then, call right back. That is a good dramatic intro.
13. Make a scene. Always make a scene. Everyone needs to know you were there and the least mature person in the room, on the block, at the mall...
14. No matter how lame your news is or how insignificant the gossip, pull your friend aside and tell her that she won't believe what you just heard.
15. When someone else is being dramatic about a lame story or insignificant gossip, go along with them and build up their dramability. They will thank you for it later.

Better Than I Deserve...

For a long time, I have been searching for someone or something to help me with financial matters. This is a topic which people generally do not come in and start telling others to do. Finances are personal. But, what are the standards to live by? What are the rules? How does one save money? How does one buy things without going into debt?

I grew up doing all the standard dumb things. My first two cars barely cost me anything, but then when I bought my Toyota Tercel, I paid 18.75% interest. No air conditioning. No radio. I knew nothing. I basically ended up paying double what the car was worth in car payments. Then, when I bought my truck, I did a 6 year loan. I bought my tv, sofa, camera all on credit. I sensed that I was doing something wrong, but I had no real direction. By the time I bought my condo, I had a truck payment, school loans and credit cards.

I knew I wanted to pay off my debt and I knew that I wanted to save money, but all I could do was incur debt and then pay it off. I think that is how most of America works. There seems to be no other solution than to just slap all that money down on a credit card and then spend the next few years enjoying what you have while paying a huge price for it.

This all changed when I came across the teachings of Dave Ramsey. I know some people have read his book, The Total Money Makeover, but the book does not teach people like his radio show does. He talks to people about how much they make, how much debt they have, and what their spending habits are. He actually has 7 Baby Steps for people to follow to feel financially secure. And, most of the calls he takes revolve around those baby steps.

Who is Dave Ramsey? Why should I trust some guy on the radio? He is a Christian, which sort of threw me off at first. I suppose I wondered if he cared about people or converts. But listening to his show changed all that. His story started off with him flipping houses and he was a millionaire, but then some deals went bad and he went bankrupt. After going through that hellish experience, he came across a business idea of being able to help people avoid what he went through and eliminate debt from their lives.

Dave is really conservative when it comes to money. He says to have a written budget before each month starts. Give every dollar a name. It works. It is not hard to realize that one's money gets spent so quickly. Then, the sacrifice steps in. Things we wanted to buy had to wait.

I could go on for hours on how great his program is. I would recommend listening to his show. He has the archives from two weeks back on his website.

But back to my initial statement. I was searching for someone to help me out with this financial stuff. We had a guy come over once who told us to roll our debt over to a 401k loan. Not knowing any better, I signed on. This was a bad idea. If I had lost my job, that money would have become due all at once. Very risky.

The show teaches people to minimize risk. What if I lose my job tomorrow? Do I have anything in place to allow me to look for a new job for a couple months? Why is debt a bad idea? Why get a fixed rate loan on a house? Why avoid debt at all costs?

Dave talks a lot about Murphy's Law. And it is so true. Life is all about the unexpected. And, we live in such a Must Have Now society. So, people buy all these things anticipating that everything will be fine in the future, but it won't. We need to have safeguards in place.

The policy on credit cards is to never use them. A lot of people say that they need to build up a great credit score, but Dave's argument is that one does not need a great credit score if one does not take out any loans. The only exception would be a home loan, and for this he says that one can go to a lender who does manual underwriting, which is what they did in the olden days.

Many would say that no credit card use is too extreme, but the argument here is more about behaviour. The statistic goes that people spend 12% more using credit cards than they do with cash. It does not take a stat to know that this is true. Are some people able to handle this anyway? Sure. But, there are certainly way too many people out there who are in over their heads when it comes to credit card debt. And it comes back to behaviour. If people were disciplined with a written budget, they would be okay. People want to have fun, go out to eat, go on vacation, buy brand new cars, buy large homes. We are not patient.

Dave offers a standard from which to work from. I believe he is right most of the time. He speaks to me in a language I can understand. It is conservative, but that is okay, because it works. And, I am no financial expert. I could not tell people where to invest or how best to use their money. I just know that risky behaviour with money often requires quite a bit of work to overcome. I don't want to do that. I want my family to feel secure.

Write This Down!

I was listening to talk radio today and happened to catch this guy named Steve Godfrey. He appears to be some sort of medium. When he speaks with people on the phone, he tells them of the people he is communicating with on the other side. And, usually it is family.

I was trying to have an open mind on it. Certain things he said did sound amazing, but the one thing that bothered me was "Write this down!" If I was talking to him, I would say: "Screw you! You write it down!"

What is he telling them to write down? He starts things off by telling the people he sees someone who has died.

Steve: "Someone has had lymphoma. Anyone had cancer in your family?"
Caller: "Uh yes. That was my brother."
Steve: "I am sensing that he had a real hard battle. What kind of cancer was it?"
Caller: "Bone cancer."
Steve: "Yes, it was a difficult battle. But he wants to let you know that things are much better now. I am also seeing Santa Claus. Someone who has a big white beard. He either dressed up as Santa a lot or just had a beard like Santa.
Caller: "That was my father-in-law."
Steve: "I am also sensing October 3rd or 4th. Does that ring a bell?"
Caller: "No."
Steve: "Well, write that down! That could be important later on."
Caller: "It is my half birthday. I was born April 2nd."
Steve: "I don't know about that."

This may have been a compilation of a couple calls, but it cracks me up. The dates are never significant to the people. Of course people have family who have died of cancer though. And, what about the Santa Claus? He totally covered his butt when he said that the person could dress up as Santa. Doesn't every family have a designated Santa? I guess mine doesn't...

I realize that the guy brings a positive message to people and people like to be comforted after someone close has died. I think it is all about the confidence the guy portrays. And, the fact that he has the gall to tell them to write down a date or other such information.

"Oh yeah! That was the date I got my oil changed last year... Wow."

Chapter 9

Hanken was tired and lethargic after his long journey to the coast. He had rescued maidens, maids and madmen. He figured sleeping would be his reward for his recent good behaviour. So, he napped and napped. When he was done napping he napped some more.

After all this napping, he was rejuvenated. It was time to start working on diffusing the bomb he had in his suitcase. He pulled out his tweezers and his rubber gloves. Hanken started working away and after a few vials of sweat beads trickled off his head, he was once again in the clear.

Now, to fill out the report. He always felt it was good business to document his endeavours. Lest anyone think he was a fool and a teller of tall tales, he would at least know that he had written it down in his ledger. He wrote and he wrote making sure to remember the angle he left the gangster in the trashcan at the airport.

He found that leaving details out was always a mistake. The kinds of villains he was working with had curious tattoos and spoke in funny dialects. These things would be important later on when deciphering who this was. After putting the finishing touches on the woman with the full lips and boisterous laugh, he put down his ledger and began to contemplate his next move.

Where would the next attack come from? Where are the armies amassing? And, where can he get a clean shirt in this pile of clothes scattered all over the floor?

Good Things About Goonies

My brother-in-law, E, brought up a point yesterday on why the Fratellis were necessary in The Goonies. The confession scene with Chunk. That is a great movie scene. They have him tied up and they want him to tell them everything, so then he starts to tell them... everything. He tells them all about himself and essentially why he is Chunk. And what makes it good too is that they let him.

Sloth is another good character. I love the things I saw John Matuszak in. He was a football player for the Oakland Raiders. As Sloth, he was memorable.

The water slides leading to the ship were kind of cool, but then again why? That was like the skate ramp in Hook. I feel like they are pandering to the current audience of kids.

I did like that the goonies were under the fountain at one point. That is actually a pretty decent scene. They first think they are rich, but then realize it is the fountain and all the coins are people's wishes.

And the red-headed chick was pretty cute too, so I can't fault them that either.

I really need to see it again. Perhaps I can watch it with all the people who love it and they will influence me to love it also... That's optimism.

Senorito Budlito

Senorito Budlito
My Little Bud Leeeee Toe!

I have been singing this all day to my son. I like the idea of it being Spanish, but then not quite. Budly, with the short u sound, is the English equivalent and that is where all this started. I also like the redundancy of saying "Little Budlito" since the Spanish is essentially already Little Budly. So now, it is like Littler Budly.

What Did I Miss?

One of my least favourite movies is The Goonies. However, I don't want to dislike it. I really, really want to like it. I think, in theory, it is one of the best ideas for a movie. It is just executed so poorly. Everytime it is on, I watch it, hoping that it changed a little since I saw it last. It must have had some great marketing in its early days. Or perhaps it is the sets and the ideas behind the scenes, but the actual scenes are torture.

I often try to come up with replacement ideas to make something better, like take out the last half hour of Close Encounters of the Third Kind or the last hour and a half of Return of the King. Or, make Back to the Future 2's future more creative and less retro-eighties.

With Goonies, they need to eliminate the Fratellis. I like Joe Pantoliano, but not even he makes those scenes work. And the Mom is just lame. Of course, Sloth (John Matuszak) is great and that is a role which they could have kept. He could have come from anywhere. I suppose people think that they need to have villains to run from, but I like the idea of the kids doing the adventure and just battling the elements themselves. The Fratellis are a distraction from the imagination of what was going on. We don't feel threatened by them. They are not going to kill the kids.

Let us go with the battle the elements concept. They find the treasure map and they start their journey. As they are going, they get deeper and deeper into it. Suddenly, there is that fear all kids feel of doing something adventurous, but really dangerous. Because they were being chased by the Fratellis, we had no time for that self-aware feeling. They come to the organ that they have to play the right keys. Then, they know they are on the right track. By the time they get to the pirate ship, they are amazed, but even then, there would still be pitfalls. To me, that would be more real and play more with our imaginations.

There is also the idea that Mikey (Sean Astin) shows us when he is talking to One Eyed Willie in the pirate ship. There was finally a quiet moment after so much yelling and screaming. But it didn't fit. Suddenly, there was this sentimentality scene that we got no wind of before. These rude, disrespectful kids are solemn and caring? Where does that come from? However, if they had worked that into the script, instead of giving the Fratellis so much screen time, we would have a movie with characters we care about.

Does anyone not come away from this movie thinking: It is a bunch of kids yelling all the time? I want to like those kids, but they all bother me. I know they are goony...

I look at the cast and I think: Wow! Corey Feldman is in this. It has to be good. Unfortunately, they didn't center the movie on him and that was their first mistake. Short Round is in it. I think if Keanu Reeves had been in it, there may have been some hope... Sean Astin is okay, but he bothers me in this. He does not carry the movie and he needs to. We need to like him more and we don't.

I look at the beginning and they didn't draw me in to the Goonie world. They had the overly complicated contraption which was creative. Mouth (Corey Feldman) was doing his bit with the housekeeper. Short Round was doing his gadgetry and Chunk was fat and awkward. The stereotypes were all present and not helping it.

It is one of those movies where I feel like I missed something. I watch it from beginning to end and it has that feeling of chopped-up movie with all the wrong scenes left in. I know it is a sentimental favourite of many, many people in my generation...

Mama Loved the Roses

As I reflect on Mother's Day, I am happy that my wife is now a Mother. She has wanted this for a long time. She has watched her family and friends all go through motherhood and she has had to patiently sit and watch waiting for her opportunity. And it is here. And we are so happy.

Last weekend, my Mom came to visit along with my Dad, sister and her family. I am really perplexed by the amount of hard work my Mother puts in to everything. I suppose it was a vacation, because she got to be with her first grandson. But, she was always working. Even with the kids, she works. Saturday night, she was just chopping fruit and vegetables. Long into the night...
I look at it and I want to be like my Mom, but I am not right now. I am not even close. I am way too lazy. I do get joy out of work, but I have a long way to go.

My Mother-In-Law is really enjoying her status as a Grandmother. So much so that I think she is the one we all call to babysit. Designated. I appreciate this, but I want her to know that we will not take it for granted. We will pay her as best we know how, by letting her spend more time with our son.

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day to the great Mothers out there who allow their great ethical qualities to be brought forth.

Roommate Update: Sleeping Location

I am confused. We have a good sized house. We went out of our way to prepare the bedroom. We repainted it, put beadboard in and moulding. We bought a new bed and a couple of shelf things. So why is our roommate, D, not sleeping in his own room?

For some reason, he spends most of his time sleeping in our room.

I remember at Belmont having roommates which were really fun to talk to. I used to sit on the floor in C and J's room and talk with them in their room for much of the night. As late as it went, I never spent the night in there.

But D has made up a little spot in our room along the wall. And, it does not look like he is budging. We are very concerned about his comfort. Roommates deserve every amenity that we can afford. But, this is a little strange.

I should probably say something to him, but in the words of George McFly, "I am not very good at... confrontations."

He may just need to get more comfortable in our surroundings. I used to sleep on the couch all the time. I know my roommates could not understand that one...