Passing On Words of Wisdom

"You guys all have younger siblings, right?  Let's say you are going away for awhile and you may not see them for some time.  Why don't you write down on this sheet of paper some things you would like to say to your younger brothers or sisters before you go?"

This was part of a lesson I was teaching to some 11 and 12 year olds at church.  Naturally, I was trying to draw out of them a desire to pass on some wisdom, help their siblings get through the years by giving spiritual advice.  But I didn't tell them it had to be anything specific.

After they finished writing down their words of wisdom, what was the common theme said among all of them?

(Anyone who has had or has now boys of this age probably knows the answer to this question.  I had no idea.)  

"STAY AWAY FROM MY STUFF!!!!"

That is the funniest thing I have heard all week.  That just caught me so off guard.  Imagine they are about to leave for a few years or so, not seeing their family for that long and all they can think of is that their stuff is protected.  Nothing like: 

• Listen to Mom and Dad
• Do good in school
• Help out people when they need it.
• Say your prayers

 Instead it is:

• Stay out of my Legos
• Don't touch my comic books
• Keep away from my bike.
• My room is off limits

Don't get me wrong.  These kids are really top-notch.  They really impress me with their knowledge of things, their perceptions of people and what is right and wrong.  I love the answer though because it is honest.

Now, I am trying to think if I was the same way as a kid.  Was I very concerned about my stuff?  I must have been, but I don't remember being that concerned about it.

The textbook probably reads: 
"... and then the child grows into a Value stage where the items in their possession take on a different life.  They become valuable to a degree which is practically nonsensical.  The items seem to float around the child's room allowing the child to envision doing amazing feats with or by the aid of the item.  A collection of rocks may be fashioned into a key which opens gates to a new world.  A set of first edition books with autographs will one day be on display in a museum.  
No matter how far-fetched the illusion is, the dream of the child is what is at stake here.  They must believe in their item and keep it near their hearts until it is time to relinquish..."

I am still trying to think of anything that I have right now which I value in this way.  I guess I do not like my kids touching my phone.  But I think that is just common sense.  Kids break stuff.  

Aha!  These boys are starting to see themselves as adults.  And their siblings are still children.  If we view these boys as adults, it changes everything.

Adults definitely want their kids out of their comic books and other valuable things.  I have plenty of friends with very nice bikes that they will not let their kids near.  Lego Movie showed that adults want kids out of their Legos too.  
    
And there are times when we want kids to stay out of our room...    

Man or Mouse. Are These the Only Options?

I will not eat them with a house.
I will not eat them on a mouse.

Aughhh!  Everywhere we look there is a reminder that our house has a mouse in it.  

My wife had a nightmare and screamed out in her sleep.  The next morning she said that she dreamed she saw the mouse only it was the size of a wombat and it lunged at her with big huge teeth and bulging eyes.

We were watching Milificent the other night with the kids downstairs and our little buddy just decided to meander in to see what we were all doing.  He just walked right in.  I think I heard him say in his little mousy voice: "Do you think we could watch Mickey and the Beanstalk instead?"

Naturally, we freaked.  My wife screamed.  The kids jumped.  What an outrage.  After all, Mickey and the Beanstalk is so old and dated.  Still a classic, but when we have Angelina Jolie with wings.  Now that is hot!  So there was no way we were switching movies.

Then, I had the duty to go chase after Nicky Mouse.  But I had to go slow enough to make sure that I did not really see where he went.  After all, what do I do if I actually corner him?  Grab him with my bare hands and squeeze him to death?  Yell to my son to go grab a broom so I can awkwardly swat at him with it?  Trap him in a box so I can feed him to a fox?

But I choose the cowardly way out.  I set traps and hope that the spring mechanism will end his life.  That way, if there is ever some sort of rodent rebellion and I am on trial, I can blame the industrial revolution.  I could say that I was not even sure what the trap would do.  I thought the metal bar might just grab their tail and hold on to him, so that I could find him a new home.  I know it's a stretch.

Actually, a box might not be a bad idea.  Then I could release him into the wild.  He could go out and live in the backyard or find someone else's house to terrorize.  

I wonder if it would be too weird to drive Nicky up to the mountains and then release him up there.  He probably wouldn't fare too well after being domesticated.  He would not have the comfort of stale Goldfish, Top Ramen and Corn Chex anymore.  More than likely, he would be someone else's dinner.  

Wait a minute!  I would be feeding him to a fox.

All Work And No Play Makes Daddy Tough To Watch Movies With

I had my kids watch an old time monster movie with me today.  I wondered if they were old enough to be watching it with me.  They were on the edge of their seats...  Not because they were scared though.  It was because I kept grabbing them to cover their eyes at the scary parts.  They kept pushing me away wanting to watch.

Meanwhile, I am thinking: This was a bad idea.  I figured my oldest would be fine and the younger two would just busy themselves in the toy room or playing dolls or whatever.  But no.  They were transfixed.  They had to watch every second.  It is like my kids sensed my aura and they had to know what all the concern was about.  So they are watching all these suspenseful scenes probably thinking to themselves: What is Dad so worried about?  These scenes are stupid.  I get more suspense when my Dad holds his hands above me to tickle me...

They say that dogs sense when their owners get stressed out.  And the dog owner is usually stressed out because their dog is about to get eaten by a much larger more aggressive dog that is running full speed towards them.  So then the dog reacts in harmony with its owner and starts attacking this approaching dog.  And it is like this whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing.

How would it work then to not be stressed out as a large dog comes full speed at your dog?  Just breathe.  Not going to worry about it.  Count to ten.  Bark is worse than his bite.  Even though his bite is really going to loosen some cartilage.  Zen moment.  Slow the heartbeat down.  Just keep walking.  Act like nothing is wrong at all.  There he is.  See?  Just sniffing my dog's butt.  Nothing to worry about...

Who does this?  How do you not freak out?

So here I am with my kids and I could just take the approach that the people who let me watch The Shining at age nine took.  No big deal.  Hey kids.  That kid talking to his finger is perfectly normal.  Riding through the hotel on a tricycle all by yourself looks like a lot of fun.  Pay no attention to the guy dressed in the bear costume.

No.  I didn't let my kids watch The Shining!  Are you kidding me?!!!  

Do They Deliver?

While thinking about my old friends from high school I was wondering about trying to get together with them and what sort of venue would work for that.  Obviously, meeting at someone's house for a weekend would not work.  We would not have enough Style Council albums...  Or even getting together at a beach house for a weekend with our families would not be suitable.  What would be fun for all of us?

How about a camping trip?  Four guys getting together and having an adventure.  Now that could be fun.  Could be.  Let me think.  

What if we got a couple canoes and headed down a river?  We used to head down the Colorado River together a couple times when we were young in the really flat area around Blythe.  That could work. We could pack up our 5 Gallon buckets.  We could camp along the way.  Hopefully, Jacob is not spraying people with bug spray from the rooftops.

What if we went to a new spot?  Somewhere maybe in the south like Tennessee? Or West Virginia?  Or Georgia?  If we could find one where they are damming up a river, that could be really challenging...  


We would anticipate just a little fun on a totally unknown river with possibly massive rapids that would crush an aluminum canoe into two.  But it would have to be canoes.  We couldn't take a nice blow up style raft or anything...

One of the guys in our group is a musician.  He could bring his guitar and that would provide some entertainment.  Maybe do some jamming with some of the local folk down there.  Aren't they big on banjos around those parts?  I could be stereotyping.  Of course I am.

We have another guy who is an outdoorsman.  A good common sense type guy who can hold his own with some of the wildlife.  He could bring his bow and arrows.  We would feel pretty safe around him as long as he stayed healthy.  I am counting on this guy staying in his canoe, not getting tossed against the rocks and having a bone sticking out of his leg for the remainder of the trip while he lays unconscious.

We also have a fairly normal guy who everyone likes and gets along with.  He is tough.  If you push him to the limit he will fight back.  If someone was up on the cliff shooting down on us, he could climb out of the canyon and take him out.  This is all hypothetical of course.  

But then there is Bobby.  And I am the only one left.  I don't want to be Bobby!  Maybe this is not such a good idea...

Scotts

Some people like to find the positive in any situation.  No matter how bad things might be they would be able to spin it and make those around them feel inspired.  If they were trapped in an elevator with 20 others that person is able to overcome it by keeping their chin up, smiling, having a good attitude, not complaining.  That person would probably start singing and leading others to sing too.  Before they knew it, the elevator would be moving again and the other passengers might even be sad that the ordeal was over, because that person would no longer be part of their lives in such an intimate setting.

While I certainly admire that person for their courage in insurmountable situations such as this, I do not think I am typically that guy.  It is not that I do not want to be that guy.  Being a hero is fundamentally our greatest goal.  

I think my role is typically to find the humour in situations such as this and sort of snicker to myself about it.  If my buddies from high school were there, we could make snide and sarcastic remarks to each other about the elevator, those in the elevator and anything else we could think of.  But since they are now very far away, I would not be able to count on that ever really occurring.   Perhaps my buddies do not enjoy the same level of wit and immaturity we once did as we poked fun at everything we possibly could.

And I suppose I always have that as a memory to fall back on.  No matter what situation, I am in, it can be funny thinking about myself and my high school buddies being at that age where we think we are so dang funny that nothing escapes us.  Everything gets a comment.

I am sure those guys have all moved on.  They are still funny, but they do not have the same goal to try to outdo others in being the funniest guy in the room.  We did have a sort of competition at the time.  Scott 1 had the most pure humour.  He operated from a real great observation point.  We all looked up to Scott 1 as the leader of the group.  He had the most genuine approach to funny situations.  He rarely offended people and was just really cool.

Scott 2 was really funny also, but he had a much more negative approach.  Sometimes, it would get a little daunting.  His humour was so spot-on though that as long as one didn't take oneself too seriously, one would be okay.

Scott 3a was not funny per se, but every once in awhile he would get there.  Kind of a normal friend.  

Scott 3b on the other hand brought a very intellectual humour to the group.  I think that sort of evolution helped us to keep things rolling, so it was not just about tearing people down anymore.  Or if we were, the subtlety of doing it could be communicated through lifted eyebrows or other gestures which may not have been noticed.

These guys had great delivery, but they would write humour really well too.  Being able to express themselves really well was easy for them.

People talk about being in the presence of greatness when they speak of past presidents or celebrities or business people.  But I have to say that I got really lucky in being in the midst of such clever, witty, and funny guys.  It really set the bar high and I am still trying to get there.

But back to the elevator.  Probably the funniest part would be that everyone would all still be stuck looking in the same direction not speaking to each other.  Maybe it would be best to start singing something.  Humming the tune to Elevator Man by Oingo Boingo.  I doubt anyone else would know it though...  Who's going down?