Salting The Wounds of Loyalty

The American way.  So many small businesses want to grow and become larger than life.  Normally, I applaud this sort of thing.  I want people to achieve their goals and dreams.  I want people to be rich.  I want them to be successful.  If they have a great product, by all means, go for it.  

The problem though is when they start going corporate, change things and it affects me in a bad way. 

I do not expect much from restaurants.  Fast food burger joints especially.  Like, I get that they have an OCD person who is in charge of salting the fries.  He walks past, salts them, looks at his watch, salts them, adjusts his hair net, salts them.  As I am driving away, I think "I could have salted them myself.  Can't we just have that option?  This is disgusting."  But I'll eat every one of them...

Also, after years of fast food joints not getting orders right, we always check our food before we drive off to make sure it is all there.  That's what I expect.  For cheap, fast food, that's the service we are paying for.  Someone who is that fast is going to be inaccurate.  And if the person was really accurate, they would screw it all up and promote them to management.

So, there is this relatively new kind of restaurant I call the Stand-In-Line model.  The way it works is that you wait forever in a line as if you are waiting to get on a roller-coaster.  Only instead of getting thrills from sharp turns and corkscrews, you get a major taste explosion from some amazing quality food.

That's the argument.  When they were first pitching the idea to investors, I am sure the question came up: 

      Why would I stand and wait in line that long for food?  

And the answer must have come back as:

      It is because you have never had a food experience this good before.

While I must admit that the food is good at these types of places, I have to wonder if I am being fooled a bit.  The one common theme I have seen is what I call 

"The Illusion of Health".  

These Stand-In-Line places will have 2500 to 3000 calorie meals, but yet they make it seem like everything is so fresh and healthy.  A hamburger will have South American Romaine and Lechuvia Pickles on a Gorgonzola bun.  The fact that I just ate a pound of red meat hardly matters when I am getting the health benefits of Lavender Onions and goat cheese.

So I pay a little more for this Illusion of Health, wait a little longer for my food and feel like I am on the cusp of my generation's hip and happening consumption system.

So how can this Stand-In-Line thing possibly go wrong?  

1. As I stand there, I can see them preparing everything.  It is all right in front of our faces, so they should not be able to screw it up as long as they stay on task.

I do not want to see their people standing around doing nothing, because at that moment I am standing around doing nothing.  As one who tries to take a lot of information in, I am watching them.  I got nothing better to do.  I could look at my phone for the 406th time today or I can watch the strange foraging habits of the native Stand-In-Line restaurant technician.  And the guy I am seeing is doing everything he can to keep from working.  He is yelling across to other workers and making snide comments to them.  In all the time I have been in line, this guy has done no work.  They are messing with my trust.

2. It takes a lot to do take-out.  I am putting my arm around the shoulders of this company and welcoming them into my home.  I introduce the food to my daughters and they better be respectful.  When I take my food home and get uncooked rice, they have stabbed me in the back.  Uncooked rice.  No one I know has ever done uncooked rice.  That has to be the greatest restaurant sin ever.  That is right up there with under-cooked hamburger.

All those other people in line with me got uncooked rice too.  How does this happen?  Maybe that guy standing around yelling gibberish to the other employees needs to be checking food quality.  Sit him down with the current menu items and make sure it's all up to sauce.  That guy may gain weight, but at least he is doing something now.  And the restaurant didn't just piss off 50 people.

3. They must think they are too big to fail.  I guess all the hordes of people who continue to be there night after night are telling them it doesn't matter if the culture is good or not, if the quality is good or not.  However, I am thinking that these customers are on the tail end of the hysteria.  Many of my acquaintances have given up, so what is left is the remaining people who still had good memories of a quality product.

I am still part of that group, because I do remember them being great.  But these companies are in such a hurry to lose me and others.  Why?  What did I do?  I just want to enjoy your product as it was for so many years.

It is as if they have turned some corner and can no longer provide good experiences.  They are too busy catering large events and not putting their focus where it needs to be, in the restaurant, making the culture and food good.

If it comes down to this Stand-In-Line experience being no different than the fast food experience, what choice is there?  If you take away the Illusion of Health, I am left with a long line which is more akin to the DMV.