To Boldly Go Where Everyone Else Did 20 Years Ago

Do you ever have a day where you don't watch TV and you feel pretty dang good about yourself?  Today is one of those days... so far.  

Currently, I am watching Star Trek The Next Generation on Netflix and I am on season 4.  You know how when you start to read a book and you just can't get into it for the first few chapters and then suddenly it hits you that you are loving it?  That is where I am on Star Trek The Next Generation.  I should have always loved it, right?  I did as a kid.  Didn't I?

It is not as great as the original Star Trek.  (Oddly enough the Next Generation effects are dated enough to look the same as the original.)  But it has its place.  It really is quite different from the original.  So I will not compare.  I feel that is wrong.

Part of why I couldn't get into Star Trek The Next Generation is because of my wife.  She watched them for years with her family growing up and I got the impression she didn't like it, that somehow it was a form of abuse for her.  But I was wrong.  She does like it.  She just doesn't want to watch it again.  Weird!

For me, everything after Season 2 is all brand new.  I stopped watching it back then.  I guess I might have gotten too cool for it.  I remember my best friends would watch it.  And D's girlfriend was really into the whole Troi aspect of it.  Like, each time Troi would say: "I sense a lot of conflict in this alien being and that they are not telling the truth", it would generate all new discussion.  For me, I am thinking:  "Really, Troi?  You say that about everyone you encounter.  Isn't it possible that alien ships encountering this huge mother of a ship with tons of firepower might not tell the complete truth when lined up in the crosshairs?"

But I like Troi.  I like everybody.  I even like Wesley Crusher.  Funny, I am trying to think of who I don't like.  I think I am suspicious of Riker not being likable.  At the start of an episode, I have doubts about him, but he always wins me over by the end.  

I was pretty mad at Troi for being such a big baby when she lost her empathic ability a couple episodes back.  She resigned and went through the whole drama thing.  I know that was the point of it all.  She was finally learning what it was like to be human rather than betazoid.

So perhaps all of this is me coming to terms with my inner nerd.  Or is it innerd?  I know with all my star wars movie knowledge and other geek things I do, I have always qualified on some level.  But I think embracing Star Trek The Next Generation as something great at this point in my life is really saying a lot about how uncool I have become.  Finally!!!  

Chicken Coop Frickin' Poop!

As I trudged through the snow which has blanketed our backyard for a couple months now, I headed for the chicken coop to ... Oh man!  That smell!  I opened that door and it gives new meaning to the term "cooped up."

I don't know what it is, but no one who owns chickens tells you about this part of it.  The winter part.  There is chicken poop everywhere in the coop.  And I mean everywhere.  There is no place which is sacred for the chickens.  Their water.  Their food.  The spot where they are supposed to lay eggs.  Granted, they do not poop in the far right nest where eggs are retrieved, so I guess that one is sacred, but everywhere else... 

The smell is awful, but changing the water is such a pain.  It has to be kept from freezing, so there is a heating element inserted into the top.  But, this also welcomes a host of green life which needs to be scrubbed out.  And, it is too cold to attach the hose up to the spigot, so everything has to be done right next to the house.  The weather is cold so I am freezing.  And, the lid has to be on just right or the water flows all the way out.

I really don't understand this club of chicken owners who have gotten together and conspired to tell everyone how great it is to have your own eggs.  Brother Brown has chickens.  Why shouldn't you?  I have never really had a problem with store-bought and as far as I know, neither has anyone else I have ever met.  In fact, I have one friend who prefers bleached eggs.

The only other possible argument is that chicken poop in the yard makes great fertilizer.  But, it also makes a big mess when you track it in to your house because it is literally everywhere in the yard.

As I was going through these awful chores today, I came to the conclusion that I was going to tell my wife that when these chickens died, that's it!  No more!  I have had it with this disgusting mess and the smell and all that goes into having our own eggs.  

But then it dawned on me.  I have children who need to learn how to be tough and be responsible for things.  I have a son who needs to see that his father is not afraid of going out and braving the monstrous amounts of chicken crap in the backyard.  He needs to see that his father does not back down, but comes up with solutions to problems.  My daughter needs to see the smile on my face as I scoop out the piles of chicken poop out of the coop and into the wheelbarrow.  She needs to know that Daddy whistles while he works.

Indeed, the days of doing what we want to do and being comfortable are past us.  It is a new day in which we have to build up a new generation of chicken farmers who can pick up a chicken and not be afraid as it tries to fly away and pecks at their hands or the shiny objects on their shoes.  One day, my children will thank me that I taught them these things.

(Can I also say that I am thankful my Dad did not butcher chickens like my best friend's Dad did down the street growing up?  I guess blood was everywhere like the movie Evil Dead.  We'll just let ours die of natural causes...)

Do You Want to Build a Snow Castle?

My only problem with the new movie, Frozen, is the sudden ability for Elsa to create a masterpiece castle of ice and snow in the middle of nowhere on a really steep mountain.  She starts walking up the hill, gets to where she wants to build it and then suddenly starts emitting perfect angles and pristine staircases.  Everything is perfect right away.  

Couldn't they have humoured us a little bit?  Give us something to show that she isn't perfect at it right away.  She could have shot out a blast of ice which was intended to be the initial wall, but then it starts to fall, so she tries to shore it up with another ice 2 x 4.  But then that has trouble holding.  She realizes her foundation isn't so good, so she stops for a second.  She then creates a rudimentary ice chair which is a little off, but it's a decent item to sit on as she starts planning her dream ice castle and honing her skill.

She could be working on all these things, all while singing this song about letting it go.  Here she stands as she is propelled upwards on a sure foundation of smooth ice in carved out doorways and magnificent arches.  It would make more sense if she was busy building something from scratch rather than just sulking about her awesome power while everything is already done.

What's wrong with a little trial and error?  We saw that with Spiderman when he starts shooting his webs and goes hurtling below when it doesn't work right.  Xmen has been about them learning how to perfect their mutant abilities and control.  Luke Skywalker blows up the Death Star after practicing against the remote which shoots little laser blasts.  And How to Train Your Dragon showed a step by step process to learn to work with and gain trust of a fire-breathing death serpent.

Of course, it is good to teach little kids about love conquering all, but mutant freezing powers does not mean you are suddenly a master builder and architect.

Not Another Uncle Sidemoss Gift...

It's more fun to make a gift. In some ways it is easier. The problem is that no one wants my stupid, creative gifts. Or at least that runs through my mind a few dozen times... 

Why do I think that my projects are so special? Just because I put a lot of effort into them? But is that any less valuable than going to the store and picking out something that no one is going to use? At least I am trying, right? 

There is that danger of being that guy. That relative. I have made things out of cardboard for my kids which did not really have a whole lot of function. And I suddenly fear that notion of my kids growing up and wanting normal things. Dad, couldn't you just buy me a bicycle? Did you have to make one out of cardboard? 

Sadly, I am realizing some limitations on cardboard. While I have made some really great things, I'm not sure that a cardboard bunkbed would be the way to go... It could be worth exploring my options though.

Break a Leg

A friend of mine posted on facebook this morning that tomorrow he is doing an audition and he needed help. He has a great voice, but he wanted a musician to come in and accompany him. I suggested he have our drummer friend accompany him, so as a result of my humorous post, I got to see the posts from everyone else all day long. And, at the end of the day, I had to laugh.

Did anyone offer to help accompany him? No. The comments were all things like "Break a leg" and "Good luck", "Let me know how it goes." One person even liked his post. I realize that my comment did not really help him, but I figured that with all the musicians that he would know in his line of work, someone would step up.

When I spoke to him, he said somebody did volunteer, but we did have a laugh at the idea that people were more excited about the audition and not really helping him out. Whereas, if no one helps him out, then no audition will happen.

We discussed the idea further and I compared it to how God hears us pray. We kneel down with the kids and we ask him to bless the sick and needy, to comfort the widows and feed the hungry. Each night, the same things are said, but he probably scratches his head wondering when all these great praying people actually get off their butts and bless the sick and needy, comfort the widows and feed the hungry. I trust that he does his job, but wonders why we don't do ours.

Graveyard Guess 2010

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Trimming

Last week, three of my nieces cut their own hair. When one thinks of this, it usually conjures up the classic diagonal cuts, hair that once fell into place now all choppy. Then, their mothers had to try and fix it. And, so it then becomes a sort of repair job which still does not look right, but no longer looks horrifying. Something to look forward to I am sure.

Then, without warning, that same week, our neighborhood was attacked by my nieces. They came in the form of city workers whose job it was to maul and chop our trees. The city claims that this is done to make way for the street sweeper, who we have not seen on our street in the 4 years we have lived here.

But my nieces had a different approach. They just haphazardly sawed the trees this way and that. They would leave stumps of branches, so we could hang our hats on them if we needed to. They would take the chainsaw to anything that was in the way. And sometimes not even close to in the way. It was as senseless as little girls cutting their hair. So, like their mothers did, I went out there that night to repair what I could.

Now, my approach is more how I would handle a nephew who cut his hair. Just buzz it. Those trees now look like they won't be seeing a pair of scissors for at least another 4 years. But at least they do not look all flat anymore.

On a side note, my dog decided to clip our tomato plant as if he was a gardener. Instead of using shears he used his teeth. He seems to be somewhat systematic though. He is clipping off our plants one by one. Just when we have hope that he may leave them alone, he takes another one out. I think he is operating independently of my nieces...

The Real Sea World

I think the Killer Whale was given that name back in the seventies when things were considered "killer" as a substitute for the word "cool". They couldn't just call him the Cool Whale or the Bitchen Whale. He was the Killer Whale. In the sixties, he may have been known as the Groovy Whale. In the fifties, the Hip Whale and in the Forties, the Swingin' Whale. And the thirties they would have just been known as Clark Gable.

Right now, they are not thinking that the Killer Whale is very cool. I suppose many are thinking that we should not be going to see them performing tricks and stuff. When one looks at it, the whales are being treated pretty well. It's the trainers who are getting the raw deal. But they ask for it. Not to be drowned and all, but it's a risk.

The trainers do wear those wet suits which make them look like little whales. If I suddenly saw a fish dressed up like me, how would I react? I would probably insist on him sitting at the table and have tea with me. Or a soda. I would be having so much fun with my new human friend, it would not even occur to me that he would not be able to breathe.

They say this particular whale had problems before. He has a record. A couple convictions, a DUI... He was a mess. So why keep him? Couldn't they just let him loose? See how he does with other whales. Maybe he would not think it was so funny when he slips and falls into a great white feeding frenzy. Or does it not work that way? Would it actually have to be a killer whale feeding frenzy? Now that would be Whale Wars. And not bad reality tv.

Maybe this killer whale should get his own reality tv series. He could constantly be interviewed and explain to everyone that he was the victim all along. None of these other incidents were his fault at all. "The guy suddenly showed up in my tank with no clothes on. I was just trying to help him get dressed."

Scenes from Next Week

I was doing a puzzle last week with some kids. It was a 1,000 piece one with an old Mickey Mouse poster. I am a firm believer in not looking at the box as I do a puzzle. Obviously, when I first buy the puzzle or get it as a present, I see the picture on the front. Now, I suppose I could try and focus my energy on it at that point and remember where everything goes and that would not constitute looking at the box while doing the puzzle.

I am also the type of person who does not want to see the scenes from next week's episode of LOST or 24 or whatever exciting adventure show there is. I don't want to know. I want to experience it all for the first time next week when it happens. It just seems more fun that way. I don't understand why someone wants to know.

Now, I do make an exception when it comes to TV shows which don't really have a story to them. Like, most reality shows, I could care less if I see scenes from next week. That is probably because if I miss it, it will not be the end of the world. In fact, it will probably be a major blessing in my life if I do miss it. Like, I will actually have thought and learning emanating from me instead of drool and stupor.

I know there are some people who have to know everything they are going to get for Christmas in advance. I know some people cannot wait to watch the upcoming Twilight trailer. But doesn't seeing those scenes out of context ruin it somewhat?

I think it is funny that oftentimes DVDs will include the Theatrical Trailer. Does anyone ever watch those? I know we saw them in the theatre, but why would one ever go back and watch the theatrical trailer for Willow or Howard the Duck? Okay. I admit I watched the trailer for Willow. I don't remember ever seeing the trailer for Willow. In fact, I did not see Willow until it came on HBO. And then, I saw it every time it was on.

But, I guess my point on trailers is that they are designed to get people's interest, but they have no intrinsic value to them whatsoever. Somebody please name a good trailer. I don't think anyone can. They are all so worthless and provide nothing good that people are just left with an empty feeling.

Look at the new trailer for Clash of the Titans. What a piece of junk that is going to be. Or is it? The trailer is so bad. It has no perspective. Just a bunch of amazing CG shots. Whoopedee doo! Like, we have not seen that in every other movie that has come out in the last 10 years...

The Dish and the Spoon

As I was reading Hey Diddle Diddle the other night, I decided to interpret it.

Hey Diddle Diddle
The cat and the fiddle.

Diddle represents people. The commonfolk.
The fiddle is an instrument of the devil, so the cat represents Satan calling to the common people with "Hey you! Listen to me!"

The cow jumped over the moon.

A cow is an animal which provides meat and milk and is not known for being able to jump much at all. Jumping over the moon is more like orbiting the moon. So, I think this is a metaphor of Galileo. And, taking the sustenance of the people and allowing it to leave earth to possibly never come back is a major risk.

The little dog laughed
To see such sport

The little dog is the church who rejected Galileo's theories. Because little dogs or puppies are so appealling to people, this had a tremendous effect on the masses.

And the dish ran away with the spoon.

The dish and the spoon represent high society, who never really care about the significance of major events. They are too busy involved with affairs and dining out.

Reality Bit

We watched Reality Bites last night. I guess that was my generation, but hardly my crowd. That does not stop me from identifying with Michael's character (Ben Stiller) though. He has Doctor Zaius on his desk. Why would that not be cool?

As I rooted for Troy (Ethan Hawke) and Lelaina (Winona Ryder) to get together, I found myself asking: Why? Why do I want these two horrible people to be happy? Then again, if they can be happy together, maybe that keeps others from being miserable.

The most redeeming part was seeing Leleina's video chopped up to be funny and commercialized. It was so pretentious and lame to begin with. Why was Michael apologizing to her? He should have just smiled as she walked away. He should have known that no amount of sucking up to her was going to get him anywhere.

Swayze, Quite the Bad-A

Patrick Swayze died today. We have seen him die before. So, it shouldn't be so hard for us to bear. In Point Break he headed out to meet the gigantic surf. In Ghost, he tries to fight off some thief and gets shot? Been awhile on that one. In Red Dawn, he gets aced, but he led the revolt very well.

He was a pretty fun actor. In the Outsiders he made a convincing big brother greaser bad-A. In Roadhouse, he made a convincing bouncer martial arts bad-A. And, of course, Dirty Dancing, he was an immoral dance instructor bad-A.

I suppose he is more like the everyman bad-A in his movies. He had the great mullet. Can't argue with a mullet.

I think I like him best in Roadhouse. It is such a cheesy movie. Totally formulaic, but he has this general appeal when he comes to town. He is friends with the blind guy musician dude. He scores the hot nurse. He meditates while doing his martial arts thing. And, to top it all off, his mentor is Sam Elliot, the biggest bad-A of them all. But most of all, we trust him to take care of things.

He walks into a corrupt town to fix it. That is some serious opposition. Well, really, he was just going for the job. But he gets pulled in to sticking up for the little guy. I liked it when he was training the other bartenders how to keep their cool and battle the drunkards. As one who hardly ever goes to bars, I think this is a very realistic portrayal of a classic Texas roadhouse.

I am sure many people do not like the movie Roadhouse for precisely the same reasons that I like it. Oh well. Opinions vary.

I'll Take Care of This

I just got pulled over by Ryan Phillipe. Fortunately, Peter Stormare was not riding in the passenger seat and I did not have any extra $100 bills hanging out of my wallet. And, although it crossed my mind, I did not lead him on a car chase that would lead us through the closest mall.

I hate that helpless feeling of knowing they are right to pull me over. Why can't I get defensive and tell the cop boy that he should be out there catching the real criminals? Oh, I guess I was breaking the law so I am the real criminal. I hate that expression anyway. Real criminals. They have to start somewhere. And this was a very young kid. It almost looked like I was his first ticket. He was excited!

We live in an area where there are still a lot of farms, so it is really lame to have these 25 mph roads where horses should be galloping instead of cars driving. So, it angers me that a cop set up in someone's pasture and waited for unsuspecting soccer players to go zooming by. Too fast? 42 in the rural west?

One day I will have to fight a ticket. Go into the judge and come up with all these strange and elaborate excuses. I don't think I could ever win though. I don't have the face for it.

a. I am not female.
b. I have that naturally pissed off look that people cannot wait to get angry at.
c. I don't think quick on my feet.

If I could bring in my laptop and type out my responses and have that go straight to the judge in some IVR kind of way, then maybe I could win. Somehow my own non-written voice does not work as well. I wonder if Biden is a good writer.

Man Code

I just watched the Bachelorette The Men Tell All. I am sorry. I promised myself I would not do this, but...

I don't have a good excuse.

I would like to touch on the concept of Man Code as brought up by David. Man Code covers a lot.

1. Do not be a fruit fly.
A fruit fly as defined by a friend many years ago is the not very attractive guy who somehow makes friends with the hot chick and hangs out with her all the time. He has no chance for her, but his pride keeps him from just letting her go. And, he somehow ruins the chances for any other guy by being around ALL THE TIME!!! Good example of this would be Tucker in There's Something About Mary.

2. Act like a guy.
This could cover a lot as well. But, do not cross your legs one knee over the other when sitting. Use your low voice. And, go to the gym once a week.

3. Do not be phony, cheesy, two-faced, and be a friend with your fellow guys. That should be your number one goal. The dating and girlfriends will fall into place if you can be friends first and foremost with your fellow countrymen.

Hopefully, 2 and 3 do not conflict.

So, the Bachelorette has a certain sort of realism to it. I remember being with a group of three other guys going to visit an apartment of cute chicks, where one or two of them was the target. And, it was really funny to see the previous group of four guys leaving. Like a tag team sort of thing.

And, I was kind of just along for the ride. There was so much wrong with the whole situation to begin with. This girl could not be that interesting. I think I remember being in there occupied with a puzzle on the table after we went in. I was notorious for being a social misfit. That was more fun than being a fruit fly.

So, I really identify with the Bachelorette. The tons of guys all vying for the one girl. It is too bad we did not have a camera there so everyone could give their perspective. Okay, that's the part I hate.

The Men Tell All episode hit the nail on the head when they said that the whole idea of the show is contrary to Man Code. It is! Guys that are friends do not compete for the same chick. Well, they do. It happens, but it shouldn't. And so, Man Code is continually violated and it becomes a frenzy of interviews and stupidity.

An interesting show would be a group of friends like 5 guys and 3 chicks. And, you just film them and their interactions. No interviews. No talking to the camera. Just the situation. And, you could call the show Man Code. And review after each episode. The audience could grade the guys on who violated the most policies of Man Code. But there would be no elimination. You just have scores and silly rules, which is really what Man Code is all about.

So That's What Happened to Sitcoms...

As we babysit some of my wife's cousins' kids, we get a good sampling of the tv shows they watch. The three that I have seen so far are: iCarly, Spongebob Squarepants, and Wizards of Waverly Place. Spongebob is, of course, the best. I had seen that before and having done a 5 foot tall pinata of him and one of Patrick as well, I was much more familiar with them.

iCarly is not so bad although it has elements to it that are borderline. She and her friend run a website called iCarly.com. And they get strange requests from people. Like, one viewer wanted her to show her tongue. And, another bit had them doing dancing while eating bananas. I certainly appreciate the creativity and the fun aspect that goes into it, but when dealing with the internet and little girls, it just seems like we see way too many bad examples of this sort of showing off to the world.

iCarly is pretty bad. The acting is mostly lame, but there is some appeal to it. There are a couple of elements which pull you in. She has an older brother who is a sort of guardian for her while her father is in the Navy. Parents are not in the picture, so I can see how that would draw the children viewers in. But, it is totally a cheesy sitcom. They just took the format straight from the eighties and went with it.

The Wizards show was absolutely deplorable. First of all, the characters are all a-holes to each other. I hate that. No one is likable at all. I can see why they left the parents out of the other show. The plot is that this family are all wizards and/or witches and the kids go to school while the parents are home trying to come up with witty rejoinders to continue the madcap zaniness of this totally original plot.

Back when Tina Yothers would make a smart-alec comment on Family Ties, we would let it go, because we knew that Michael J. Fox was there to comfort us. But there is nothing like that with these shows. We have plenty of Tina Yotherses. Sorely lacking in the Michael J. Fox category.

Oh well! At least the kids of today get to experience tv of yesteryear...

Fashion Update

I take a look at the new shorts, the plaid bermudas, and I shrug. I can do this. It is a look I was born for.

But I also have to laugh, because many of the guys with these shorts do not fit the bill. It's a nerdy look. I don't understand how they do not see it. Maybe they think they are going golfing or playing tennis. I suppose if they get a sweater, place it on their back and tie the arms in front of them, they could be mistaken as preppy. But, I am not seeing that.

I am excited to get a pair though...

Can You Go Over This Area Again?

I used to clean carpet. When a customer did not like the way the job was done, we had some pretty good built-in excuses.

"Well yeah, that is the traffic area... I can go over it again if you like." (Notice the excuse followed up by the true sincerity of a non put-out technician)

Or "That line you are getting under your door is called carbon-filtration. The air floats through there and the door acts as a sort of filter along with the carpet and the moisture." (This is a sort of weird phenomenon that we would see in some places, but not all.)

And "It looks like your carpet is polyester, not nylon." (I don't know if it was actually polyester or what. Some carpet just did not have any fluff to it. They would just get these wear-areas that were like nothing on earth. It was tough telling people that their carpet sucked. But it was even tougher to do the whole job again...)

My favourite was this one: "This spot keeps reappearing, because there is soap in your carpet. And, it looks like it has gotten into the padding underneath." (How could I know if it was in the padding unless I yanked up the carpet? We did do repairs, so I could have. That would have been calling my bluff...)

All these excuses equated to one thing. I have just spent an hour here and I do not want to be here anymore...

We would eventually get down there with our spot cleaner and a towel and work like crazy. And, I think that is all they wanted to see, because up to that point all they saw was us doing nothing but going over the carpet with a floor buffer and raking it.

The key to the whole thing was the carpet rake. It looked better than vacuuming. I knew a guy who moved some furniture, spit on the carpet, pronounced it sprayed, raked it and put the furniture right back. The rake fools all.

People always wanted their sofas and stuff moved so we could clean under it. It was never dirty. Sometimes a little dust, which, I guess if you want to pay us to vacuum your carpet, fine!

I remember having a lady sign a waiver once so we could move her tv. I had just taken business law, so I knew that it would not hold up in court, but the boss hung it up on the office wall anyway. Such a proud moment in small business negligence-avoidance.

I am really embarrassed by my behaviour back then. Like the fact that my voice would change depending on who answered the door. The woman got a nice high pitched hello, how are you. The men would get a professional sounding deep voice. I probably would have never noticed this except for the time someone came to the screen and I could not tell if it was a man or woman on the other side. I think I was confused on which voice to use, so I had to come up with a middle ground voice.

I loved seeing how people all across the county lived. Sometimes, it was so disgusting that we had to spend half our time picking up dog, cat, rabbit poop off the carpet before we could start vacuuming. Other times, the people were so rich that we were afraid to touch anything for fear they would sue our company for items more expensive than the whole franchise. Most of the time, people were nice looking upper middle class folk who had the same basic floor plan, same furniture, same off-white berber carpet.

I think next time the guys come out to clean our carpets I will insist they move the sofas...

Come on!

Why would David tell Michael anything in advance? And, why let him do a skit at the picnic? And who won the volleyball game?

Doggie Don't Don't

While I was bringing in piles of dirt on Saturday, my dog, F, got out. I have been really cautious about letting him out, because as far as I can tell, I have no authority over him whatsoever. He will not come when I call his name. He barely even acknowledges me outside the realm of the yard, so I have been dreading this day. He got out and he was gone. He could care less.

At first, I chased after him, pointlessly calling his name. He would go into people's backyards and since I was trying to value their privacy, I would wait. He would not even look at me. So, I thought: Screw it! I have work to do. So what if he roams the streets all day...

I went back to work on the dirt. After about 10 minutes, I looked up to a child crying and being comforted by her father. There was F across the street. Now, I do not think he did anything to hurt the child. (I asked just in case.) But, I did realize that he is quite a large dog. And, despite his good intentions to explore the countryside and lick people, he could be responsible for some inadvertent accidents. And since animals cannot be sued, I took it upon me to start the pursuit again.

It's a good thing I did, because he decided to go across the busier street. And, then into someone else's yard. And then near the horses. Into the gully. Into the field, through the barb wire fence and down the street.

I was angry, impatient and not looking forward to this sort of adventure. At a couple points I ran up hoping to get hold of him, but at the last minute, he would bolt. We kept going like this and he crossed the street again and went onto someone's property. As I looked around, it appeared that no one was home then, so I shut their gate behind me and went after F again.

As he went around the yard, it dawned on him that he was trapped. I could see a couple of possibilities for him, but I was not about to tell him. After a lap around, he looked beaten. He was also tired. He was not used to running that much.

At this point, I had him. And any amount of punishment would suffice. I could tell him what a bad dog he was as I exercise my authority over him. With a dog that big, a simple swat does not do the job.

But I also thought about my predicament. As a father, is this how I would react as my kid misbehaves? Am I going to get angry and tell them how bad they are? Do they have to know that my word is the law and that when they are disobedient, then I am there to crack the whip? I don't know. But I was not going to do that with my dog.

I decided to lay down, call him and make sure I was approachable. When he got close enough I patted his head and then slipped his harness on. I let him know that I was not mad, because at that point, I wasn't anymore. It was actually kind of fun. It helped me take a break from a rigorous day of yard work. We walked back to the house and I was happy about what I had learned. I think F and I were closer too, which seems kind of silly, but maybe we are better friends.

Now, we just need to figure out how to use that friendship to keep him out of the garden boxes...

My Socially Awkward Burden

My reunion is coming up and I have come to discover that two of my very good friends have no desire to go. So, I figured it was my duty to write about it and attempt to convince them (and others) that the reunion is important and should be attended. Okay, maybe not important. It is an event on the circle.

Now, let's go back to what school is. It is a place where one is forced to go as a kid in order to become assimilated into society. As part of that, one gets friends over the course of 3 to 4 years. When one is in grade school, friends are made, but the maturity is not there, so everyone is a friend. But then high school friends are different. The mentality is different. People are a little more accepting. Girls are getting hotter. It is more fun.

Except for the bullies. And the bullies one remembers the rest of their life. And hopefully, they do not show up to the reunion. I think the bullies represent what is horrible about reunions.

So, now fast forward 10, 20, 30, 50, 100 years ahead. The first thing that runs through my mind as the reunion approacheth is the idea that I suck and I have to suddenly make something of my life (or at least appear like I am). But then that makes me angry because I am going back to high school mentality. So I think: I have to conquer this. I need to go to my reunion because ...

And then I have to think of a good reason.

It comes back to the idea of: What would I want my ideal reunion to be like?

I would like to go back to the actual school and have a day (actually, it would have to be 4 days. Wait! With semesters, it would have to be 8 days. Sounds like Navin.) It would be nice to go in each of my classes and take a look around at all of the people who were in my classes. We could all sit in the seats we used to sit in. And, we could spend the day looking around and remembering. That might be a good simulation to set up somewhere online.

That would be so much fun, because I take my experience since high school and relate to the people around me differently. People are very interesting and everyone has something interesting to offer. Did we have that kind of patience in high school? Hell no. I was too busy dressing weird and coming up with strange projects to demonstrate creativity.

What else could we do?

I would like to go somewhere that would not be awkward. I think dressing up and going to a place that is all formal and stuffy reminds me too much of going to church dances as a kid. I understand that the purpose was to dance, have fun and make friends. But, I spent a lot of time not dancing, not having fun and I made only a couple friends. That was a ton of effort with very little profit. What can I say? I survived. I learned how to sit on the stage and stare at hot girls.

I want to do something that would actually be fun. Some sort of activity where we all get together and throw paint all over each other. Actually, that would be a little awkward. Maybe have a bunch of chess boards set up or some RockBand. Let's do something where we can see the talents people have. How about one gigantic talent show? A week long event. If you have no talents, you could figure something out in a week.

I don't want to not remember people. I don't want to be trolling around trying to look at who people are and feeling like I didn't get to everybody I wanted to. But then again I do that all the time. Every party I go to I come away thinking: Why didn't I talk more to those people? That would have been interesting.

This is not very convincing to my friends who I hoped would show up to this event to ease my burden. My socially awkward burden...